A MAN'S SORROW CUTS DEEPER

Best move forward...

Sometimes the best and only thing one can do to move forward in life is to take a hard look at their past. It could be painful. It could be scary. It could also make one realize parts of their life that were hidden so deep within their soul that they were invisible until now...

Can Divit was a man of constant movement. A man of no regret. And as a result, a man of action upon his fight or flight instinct. The past proved again and again that his first instinct was that of flight. Much as the one of the albatross. The tattoo on his chest was a subconscious way of hiding this in plain site. He never stayed long in one place. His profession of a photographer gave him a perfect disquise for he never explained why he came and went from one photo shoot location to another...

That all changed when Sanem's heart overtook his. Her unconditional love broken down every defense he built around his heart and soul. It left him breathless, and the only way for him to survive and breathe was to accept the breaths of love Sanem offered to him with all of her being...

The day she did not accept his hand when he reached for her at the hospital when he pushed Yigit was the hardest day of his life. His heart crushed by the undescribable weight of a love that was lost. His soul cried out with so much sorrow that he as a grown man not used to show emotions could not hold it in any longer.

He permitted himself to let the tears flow from his aching eyes. He felt no shame in that, for he felt that his life ended and there was no reason for him to survive. He could no longer breathe in Istanbul. The city he loved so much felt empty and cold now that there was no more love for him to live off of. So his instinct of flight that he almost forgot ever existed pushed him to flee..

After a year of drifting without destination his stars brought him back home to Istanbul. And it was here where his stars told him to stay...

He had a long way to recovering his life. In his choice to escape, Can never once thought of the effect that his leaving might have on anyone other than him. But that was the old Can. Confident and too sure of himself. He was a new man, reborn somehow, and he held every piece of his old self in his heart. He once told Sanem that her love made him a different man, yet because of that love he felt more himself than ever before. He felt more complete. And that is how he felt now...

It was Sanem that made Can realize how a bond between brothers can only strenghter his life. He would be forever grateful to her for that. Emre never felt more like a brother to him than now. And they had come to realize how much their brotherly love grew because of Sanem... That is why Can felt so glad to be able to speak with Emre about Emre's life after Can left.

But what he heard shook him down to his core in more ways that he could explain. Can left and was all alone for the past year. But what he hadn't realized was how much other's lifes depended on his, how much those around him needed him as much as he let himself to believe so, and just how many people really cared for him and loved him...

He had never thought that he could be missed. Not ever and not until now. He always assumed that it was to his and others' advantage that he came and went. He did not stay in people's way for too long. He always assumed it was convenient that way. But speaking with Emre made him realize just how wrong he may have been to think that way. He realized how much Emre loved him, and how much his leaving left a void in his brother's life. Not the monetary or material kind of result, but the emotional one.

Emre, just like Can, never spoke of his feelings. But now his brother spoke so softly and openly about his life without him that the only thing Can could do was to allow each word Emre spoke to reach his soul and his heart. And it frightened him a bit. For a man who always felt alone until now, notwithstanding Sanem's love for him, he finally understood that he really had a trusting soul in Emre who loved him too. If he knew how to express what he now felt toward Emre he would show him. But he chose to keep it all in for another day...

Through Emre's words of wisdom, Can also realized how much his life affected others. His strength and experience guided the agency through many tough times. He had not realized until now how his father's choice to entrust the agency in his absence to Can was the right choice all along. Because of that his soul felt so much more fulfilled and even more at peace. And he realized that taking the photos may not have given him anywhere near the level of the satisfaction than what he felt now, knowing how much his strenght and managing people that relied on him meant to those who devoted their life to working at the agency.

He also realized how much trust Sanem's parents put in him. How much they loved him. And how much his departure hurt them as well, for they realized that they not only lost Sanem's fiance, they lost him as their son too. And this thought cut through his heart..

With these thoughts still fresh in his mind, Can knew that he would have to fight hard to mend all the bridges he burned when he chose to leave. The task that lay before him was no easy task. But thanks to realizing that his actions had consequences, he understood that if he tried hard enough, little by little, one brick at a time, he would be able to mend all the broken pieces of all of their lives, and that in the end their love would be the bond that would strengthen them all...