A MAN'S SORROW CUTS DEEPER

Without him...

He stood next to her, was all she could think of at the moment. Could it have been more of a dream? Just a few days ago she begged the stars to guide her Can back to her. Without him she could no longer exist. She stood on the pier and hoped against hope. And she felt as hopeless as when they stood together in her kitchen. Both yearning to touch. Both afraid to reach out first. Both certain of being rejected.

She recalled that Can just stood there. Pure flesh and bones. And all she could feel was his gaze upon her. That moment felt like one from the tales of great love and of luck. Alone in one room, mere feet of space between her and her one true love. The energy between them would have been enough to light a match. Yet that distance seemed oceans deep. How could he look at her and not say a word? How could he have grown so cold and so indifferent to her? So in her mind her fears had come true. He no longer loved her. How else she could explain the deafening silence? His voice and its mellodious tone was part of his charm that had drawn her to him. And now there was silence, too painful to bare.

She felt the same way when Can had come to say goodbye, though she was not aware of it at first. He stood there, again mere feet away. They were alone. Together, alone, yet no longer alone together. If she could have turned back time, this one last time she asked of Fate. She lost him many times before, and mainly because of the silence between them, mainly because they failed to speak to one another. And... she repeated that mistake yet again. She should have shouted at him, punded her fists against his chest, against the only safe place she had ever found. But no. She chose silence. She chose to keep her pain hidden inside. Just as she chose to keep her words to herself.

So, he left. With the vial of their perfume, and all but a few words she chose to offer to him. Looking back now, she shook her head. How could she have told him that she had no words left to offer him? How, if he was all words! How, if he filled her lungs, her heart, and her soul! How, if she could not imagine her life without him!

So she fought a war within her. Each cell in her body fought to step away in an attempt to no longer feel pain. But her heart won that battle without even one move. It skipped a beat, and then two. What if the silence meant that he really did care? What if the silence meant that he searched for words of forgiveness? Every attempt she made to not feel that way failed her. For she could not help it. She felt, and much more. And once her heart felt, it spoke to her soul. The night before, when she saw his ship leaving a spark flew right through the ring she held so close to her heart. And that spark kept returning, right in that ring...

If he had returned once, maybe he could return again. Maybe she could find him, like that time in the forest? When Can left, a year ago, her heart was filled with despair. Now it was filled with hope. And a certain and bold hope. The hopeful romantic so deep in her soul began to hold on to that feeling. That feeling of hope that warmed her from within. Could she permit it? Could she really be open to the light of his love?

She would soon find out, because the footsteps she heard on the pier belonged to him. Only him. And her heart knew it before she did...