LUNA: The Rebellion

34: First Love

I have looked at the same sky for months, for years. Have looked at the same moon, asking--- begging for Simphia and the Triple Goddess to bring him back to me.

I cannot bring him back to life.

An answer.

Temporarily.

A chance.

That thing beating below my touch? That was his heart. I stared vacantly at his face, was rendered speechless as I scan every feature I missed looking at. My chest was so heavy. So tight it was getting harder to breathe the longer I looked at him. It was the same dark hair, same curved lips, same icy blue eyes, same strong yet gentle expression.

This would hurt me a lot. And I could not fathom the pain I'd be receiving for asking for this.

A warm, firm touch held my hand and squeezed it. Sage sat upright, a deep groan leaving his throat.

"Sahar,"

At the mention of my name, hearing him say it again, I lost it.

My shoulders began to tremble nonstop--- my hands, my body--- I broke down. Right here, right now. I couldn't take it anymore and I wept.

All the pain I have been enduring 'till today burned me from the inside and now I couldn't contain it any longer. Seeing Sage open his eyes, speaking with the same voice I used to hear every night and day, hearing his heartbeat--- everything was too painful to experience again.

I choke back a sob, gripping him tighter. It was harder to see through the tears but there was no mistaking how his face softened at the sight of me. I didn't care about my surroundings anymore. Didn't care if they were still watching. I was finally at the peak of my anguish and there was nothing I could do to stop it anymore. I was done in hiding. Of wearing a mask of bravery. There was no fight left in me to hold everything back. Not when the very person whom I lost was here right in front of me, breathing and talking and seeing. Alive.

Sage averted his eyes from me for a second and said something I hadn't had the energy to comprehend. Napansin ko na lamang na tahamik na umalis ang mga kasamahan namin at 'roon niya lamang ako hinila ng marahan sakanyang bisig. Siniksik ko ang pagmumukha ko sa dibdib niya at humagulgol.

When was the last time he held me so close like this?

I missed him. Simphia, I missed him.

Hinagod hagod niya ang likuran ko hanggang sa kumalma ako. Nawala na sa isip ko kung gaano ako katagal umiyak o gaano ako katagal sa posisyon ko ngayon. I wiped my tears away and rubbed both of my eyes. This was going to end soon, and if I wasn't going to be smart about the time, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night ever again.

"Is it too much?" His voice was careful. Tender.

Tumango ako. Nag iinit nanaman ang aking mga mata. "I have failed you," a new set of fresh tears blurred my vision again, "I have been so blinded by anger and grief, I--- I was so lonely, Sage"

With his thumb, he wiped a tear from my eye. "You have not failed me, sweetheart. You never did"

Umupo ako ng maayos ng dahil sa sinabi niya. Pinunasan ko ang aking mga mata. In spite of the heavy atmosphere between us, Sage wore a smile that suggested he was happy and sad at the same time. Truly, this was a bittersweet reunion for us.

"I lost our son, Sage" He took my hand once more and squeezed it. My heart felt the weight of the squeeze. "I wasn't strong enough to protect him--- to protect you. Sising-sisi ako sa mga desisyon ko sa buhay. Sising-sisi ako. Weakness frustrated me so much. I didn't know what to do anymore when I lost you and our son" I took a breath in, "then mom died too... I was--- I--- I got tired at some point"