ssuntae (ao3)
Jeon Jeongguk is the new leader of Seoul's biggest mafia and, while everyone believes he is a ruthless monster, Kim Taehyung manages to find out that the real Jeongguk is just a bit too whipped for him.
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The days he used to spend partying alongside his friends were long gone for the man that was laying in a black, shining, leather armchair while people were slurtly moving their bodies to the beat of the club's music. He was not dancing, not because he did not enjoy it, more because he did not find the same satisfaction in dancing with strangers as he used to a long time ago. Around him were people portraing emotions of lust, hate and envy, their eyes watching his every move with their lips moving to spread the rumor about him being there.
Jeongguk could not care less about them. They could scream at the top of their lungs because, afterall, everyone knew who he was and yet no one really knew him. His 13 year old self, the one that had wished for that life, would look at him with tearing eyes and questions on his tongue. 'Why did you disappoint father? Why did you give up?'
The present him would have stared in the younger's eyes wit sympathy for he had not known then what this kind of life was preapring for him. Still, the 24 year old man couldn't change anything. His chest rose with something that looked, for those watching, like an angry growl, a warning to stay away, to not get bitten, but was actually just a sigh carrying too many unspoken emotions. The black shirt he was wearing tightened around his body when he sighed, making him sit upper, in a more comfortable way.
The gazing eyes were still on him but he grew up with curious and judging looks thrown over his body. As he grew those looks started to become less frightening and more frightened, Jeongguk always remembering his father's words, the same speech he would always tell him. 'Do not look at them, Jeongguk. Your eyes, son, should never seem weak. You must look forward with a straight face because that is what a leader is ought to do. Bow your head only when I shall die and look behind only when your closest ones are calling for help. Do not let yourself be fooled, Jeongguk, for the world you are to rule, the men you shall meet, everything will be cruel, it will all affect you and change your mind and soul. You must look forward, Jeongguk.' His old parent was certanly right, he knew, but even if his mind told him that he has told the truth, Jeongguk could not help but feel betrayed by his own father.
At some point he has told him that the loneliness thrown upon him throughout his life will someday disappear as it has happened to him. Years have passed and Jeongguk still felt the ache of being completely alone and vulnerable, not having someone on his right side to warm his cold soul and fearing he never will.
That is why the old interests he used to have have disappeared during the years. The clubs he used to visit only to get his father mad, to make him show he cared, that he was human, were no longer the places he enjoyed staying in and the lustful meetings he used to have with strangers were long gone. The only times he walked into clubs nowadays were for his busniess meetings, for alongside loneliness and the lack of that something also came the need to keep himself busy at all times, to work harder and more, the need to extend his empire until his own decesed father saw him sitting on a bigger throne than his.
Jeongguk was a perfectionist, took the family business in his own hands, not something he was proud of, and he worked hard to make it even better. However, he hadn't accepted his father's help when he was alive, treating everything like a bad joke only to be left alone after 2 years of messing around. His rebel self woke up from his teenage dream, being filled with worries and responsabilities he didn't know how to handle. He survived, for that he has been doing since he's been born, but in the past year he felt it was even harder to watch a clock hit the midnight, knowing and realizing that he was completely alone in his own house. 'And that is how you will be forever.', he would sometimes whisper.
