PROMISE

Crash Course

Bradley's head was pounding from all his drinking. The home looked clean and bright and he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep for days. He repeated to himself, try to do better. "Do you always wear those around the house?" Bradley asked pouring sugar into his coffee, watching her slip out of her heels. 

"No. They were just the closest shoe to the door." She sat on a bar stool, reflective. "Now that I think of it, I think the last time I left the house was for the funeral." Bradley sat next to her and they both thought back to that mournful day.

"So you just stay here cooped up in the house with them all day?" Bradley drinks his coffee looking around the home. He feels like an uninvited guest.

"My sister came for a couple of days. I've called Molly twice, remember the babysitter? She's a full-time college student, so yea it's been pretty much just me and them... all day... all night...everyday." 

"I guess you're pretty good at it by now." Gaga giggles, then laughs, then fully cracks up laughing. She felt like a clown just laughing, until she heard him laugh too. "What's so funny?"

"I literally fuck up daily. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. The other day, I used my bra to tie Jackson to the bed-frame so I could change Ava's diaper. I set timers to remind myself to feed them and timers to remind myself to eat. I've traveled the world preforming for crowds of thousands and I've never been more exhausted then I have been this last week." 

Bradley laughed with her at first then realized how crazy her life was and how much crazier it got. A feeling of disappointment in himself washed over him. "I want to help. I know I ran at first, I was just going through some shit." He points to his head trying to articulate his issues. "I'm not you. I'm not this" He looks around the cookie cutter house ".... I want to try." The baby monitor came to life with cooing and light whimpers. 

"You want to try?" She repeated. He nodded. Gaga wanted to believe him but still had her reservations. More than anything she needed the help. "Even if it gets hard?"

"Even if it gets hard." He rubbed his head almost regretting this commitment. "I promise." The word vibrated between the two of them.

"Well, might as well start trying now." Bradley followed Gaga closely upstairs. "Good morning, my loves! Look who's here." Ava had pulled herself up allowing Bradley to hold her. He was surprised by the emotions that came flooding back. He shook the feelings off and held Ava high above his head causing her to squeal with joy.

"Hi, beautiful!" He blinked back tears. "I missed you." He turned to see Gaga holding Jackson, "Both of you." He bent to kiss Jackson's chubby cheeks, he couldn't help but notice Gaga's flawless skin, being so close to her. Jackson's fat hand grabbed Bradley's chin in a clumsy greeting. He couldn't believe she didn't feel confident, she looked like a natural holding Jackson. 

Gaga got self-conscious from their closeness and under his intense stare. "I'm going to change them, you can help and then we'll go downstairs and feed them. Does that sound ok?" 

Bradley half listened blowing raspberries on Ava's tummy, causing her to giggle. "Whatever you say." 

Gaga smiled at his openness. Though she had a rough night and though he isn't the first person she would want helping her, the extra set of willing hands was very much welcomed. She offered him the first go at diapers to which he immediately declined. "What? Have you never change them before?" He shook his head no and avoided looking at the nude baby. "Of course, fun uncle. That was your role." He nodded, flying Ava around. "Bradley look. Look!" He turned and looked.

"Oh my God, it's so small." She had to laugh at his reaction. 

"Just watch." She went through the motions, then they switched. "All done. Got it?" He nodded. "Ok, I'll dress Ava and you can dress Jackson." She pulled clothes and noticed Jackson giving Bradley a hard time. Bradley went to give Jackson to Gaga but she refused. "No, soothe him." Bradley tried to rock him but his rhythm was off. "Hold him close." She held Ava as she got close to Bradley "Closer. Closer. There." She kisses Jackson's head repeatedly. "Shh, its ok, baby." Bradley watched in amazement as Jackson calmed down, he watched her lips kiss Jackson's head and thought he'd never be able to do that. "He's just hungry. Come on. Ugh, I'm going to love walking down the stairs with just one baby." She felt Bradley tap her and offer his other arm. She placed Ava in his arm and watched him effortlessly hold both.