PROMISE

Blue

Gaga leaned on the open refrigerator door, staring at the half-eaten congratulations cookie cake trapped in her own thoughts. "HaaaiiiI!" Gaga is pulled from her thoughts, shutting the door only to see Sarah and Bo staring back. 

"Bo, you told her?!" 

"Told me what?" Sarah asks, opening up the fridge while Gaga finishes prepping a snack for the twins. "Congratulations Gradu. Who's Gradu?" Sarah removed the cake and pulls pieces to eat. 

"I didn't tell her anything." Bo defends. "I simply said our girl needs us right now." Bo lowers her voice. "Did you...?"

"No, not yet." Gaga rubs her face walking towards the twin's high chairs. "No, no, try and use your fork, baby." Gaga watches the two with their baby utensils. 

"I figured as much. Here." Bo handed Gaga a plastic bag. "You don't have to do it now, just whenever you're ready. But you really should find out sooner rather than later. And you should really tell him."

"Tell who what?" Sarah joins them helping Jackson to stab his fruit. Gaga gave Sarah the cliff notes pulling every reaction from Sarah that Gaga was feeling. "Oh my God! But how?"

"I think you know how, Sarah." In this day and age getting pregnant isn't all that easy, Sarah pressed on. "We just...we were careful, at first. But then the more and more we fell into our relationship, the less careful we were." Gaga bit her lip and crossed her legs, avoiding the smile that came to her face. "Bradley just...has a way about him. He's tender and rough and sweet and demanding all in one." She crossed her legs a little tighter. "We would make love all night, not a care in the world. Over and over and over-"

"We get it!" Sarah and Bo stopped her. 

"Anyways, I take my pill when I can remember but with all of our schedules and taking care of these two, I don't know it would slip my mind." Sarah didn't want to push her further, but Gaga could read her mind. "I'll find out, I will. And I'll tell him, I promise." 

The plastic bag sat on the kitchen table all afternoon and well into the evening. Gaga checked the monitor, watching Jackson kick and scream. She laid her head on the cool counter, ridding her mind of all her thoughts if only just for a moment. 

On the other side of the country, Cynthia pours herself some tea and removed her glasses waiting for Gaga to pick up. "Hi hun. Can you talk?"

"Yes. Jackson has been crying every night before bedtime the last few nights. I'm trying this thing where I just let him cry. Turns out, he just keeps crying. I can talk, until he starts to get out of control."

"Well, I guess that answers my question of how you're doing. You ok?"

"I'm fine, just a little blue. The makeup line is doing great and the album is well, it's there. The kids are good, just getting ready for these terrible two's." She looks again at the monitor and at Jackson throwing his blankets out of his bed. She watches poor Ava just staring at the miserable boy.

"And Bradley?"

Gaga had been keeping plenty of things from her mother as of late, which was rare in and of itself. She contemplated her options for letting her in. "He's-he's awful." Cynthia choked on her tea. "He's irritating and stupid and selfish and a giant child and -and..." Gaga starts to tear up and Cynthia knows that feeling all too well.

"And you love him?"

Gaga knew her mother was too smart and could always see right through her. "And I fucking love him with all my heart and I hate him for it."

Cynthia lets out a belly laugh at her confession. "Ok, ok, calm down, sweetie."

Gaga dries her tears. "Mom, I honestly can't talk about him without getting mad, can we do that another day. How are you? How's dad?"

Cynthia dropped it, hearing the pain in Gaga's voice. She wanted to press on but if her daughter looked how Bradley looked, then it's best to drop it for now. "Good. We're both good. The restaurant is doing well. You're father met a new friend. They've been meeting for coffee and going on walks, did he tell you?"

"No, he didn't." Gaga laughed through her stuffy nose. "At least he's out and about walking."

"That's what I said. But yea, seems to being doing some good for the both of them. It's actually kind of nice to see."

Jackson attempts to climb over his crib and Gaga immediately runs upstairs. "Ugh, ma, I have to go. Look, I'm going to New York next week. I won't have the kids... it's a long story, I'll tell you then. But let's have some girl time, ok?"

"I'd like that. Give my love to Jackie and Ava."

"I will. Love you." Gaga grabs Jackson just in time. "And where do you think you're going?" Dada! He cries out. "Oh, really? You're going to New York, everyone is just going to leave, is that it? Come here." Gaga let's Ava sleep peacefully as she brings Jackson into her room. She rolls the screaming baby onto the bed while she removed her clothes. Jackson hiccuped through his cries, as crocodile tears poured from his blue eyes. She pulls out Bradley's Eagles shirt and smells it, memories of him flood her senses. She pulls it over her head and Jackson notices the colors. She holds him again as Jackson calms to the smell. Both falling asleep in each others arms to memories of a time before.