The Greatest Assist (Patrick Kane)

10| No Such Thing As Nothing

Patrick

For as long as I can remeber hockey has been there for me. Some guys do it because they're good at it, some to get paid to do it. But for me it's always been more than that. Because from just looking at me professional sports wouldn't be in my future. When I was little I wanted to play basketball but I would never make it. I'm not even 5"10' on a good day and 180 pounds wet. If I played almost any other sport I would be crushed.

But hockey has always been my thing. I think the game differently so I don't get squished like a bug on the sidewalk. I use my hands and my feet instead of throwing my body around. That makes me safe and crafty, two things that has gotten me to where I am today.

And when I'm playing that's the only time I feel like I'm myself. I feel like I can do anything out there, it's crazy. I loved the feeling of flying down the ice or making a great play. I loved looking into my teammates eyes after scoring and feeling so on top of the world. I live and die by this game, I know it sounds a bit excessive, but it's true. The one thing I need in my life is this game, and finally I have it.

It's opening night and I was so excited. We would raise the banner than start a new quest to win it all again. I had a lot to prove this season as a player and as a person. I wanted to prove my stupidity off the ice had nothing to do with the player I am on it. For the ice is the one place I had control of my life. Sometimes I wish I could live out there where my problems would never reach me. But sadly I live in reality where living on the ice is not a actual thing and I have to face my problems, all starting now.

"How do I look" I ask Chelsea as I turn to her. She was helping me get ready for opening night where I'm sure there will be a lot of cameras on me. I wanted to look my best so I will want to look back at these pictures.

"You look very handsome Mr. Kane" she says and I start to pout. "I mean Patches" she smirks.

She comes over to fix my tie and I let her do her thing. I can tell she's done this before and if what she tells me about her family is true she's probably pretty good at it by now. I smell her perfume as she stands incredibly close and it was enough to make my knees weak. I swallow hard as I look down at her.

"Are you coming to watch me tonight" I wonder nervously.

"Well you got me season tickets, I wouldn't want them to go to waste now would I" she smiles.

"No, I guess not. But I know you said you didn't go to a lot of Lakers games either when you worked there" I remember.

"That was different" she claims. "PR isn't about the game it's about the people. My job was to worry about what happens when they were off the court, not on it. But here my job is 24/7 so coming to the games is a important part. Plus Abby and a few of the other girls promised me a drink if I came" she teases.

"I wouldn't be offended if you didn't want to come" I assure her. I didn't want her to feel like she had to do this. She's already done so many other things for me that she didn't have to do. I didn't want this to be a burden on her.

"I do. I want to be there for you. This is important to you so that makes it important to me too" she says.

I just stare at her because she had no idea what she did to me. How much I wanted to mean something more to her. And maybe it's because she's the first person who's not in my family to show me any type of affection, maybe it's the fact that she doesn't want me that makes her all the more attractive. I don't know. But she drove me absolutely crazy.

"Are you about ready" she asks and I nod my head.

"Yeah. Let me go get my bag and we can go" I assure her.

So I slip off to my room and I grab my hockey bag. I look in the mirror one last time before letting out the longest sigh. This season starts now and it won't end for at least six months. It feels like years of my life are passing me by and outside of hockey I haven't done anything. I haven't gone anywhere, I haven't made any relationships that make me excited for hockey to be over so I can see them again. I kinda felt like I was nothing outside of this game and it was honestly a awful feeling.

"What's wrong" that soft voice asks as Chelsea appears in the mirror behind me. She rests her hand on my shoulder as I let out a harsh sigh.

"Nothing" I try.

"There's no such thing as nothing. Your feelings, they're valid. I know people won't tell you that because they want you to push them to the side for a game. But what happens when the games is over? Then what happens to those feelings that can't hide anymore?

It is very obvious that you need to talk to someone, even if it's yourself. You have so many feelings that you don't understand that you're disguising them as nothing. Nothing is always something Patrick, and I'm not sure how much longer you will be able to push your feelings to the side before one of your minor incidents turns into a major accident" she explains.

I feel tears start to form before I quickly push them away. I close my eyes trying to focus on my feelings but coming up empty like always. I know they're there, and the fact that she can see them too proves that they're there. I just don't know how to reach them.

"I guess I'm scared of the person I am when hockey isn't here anymore" I whisper.

"Before you were ever a hockey player you were just a boy. And now you're just a man. Only you decides who that guy is going to be a few hours from now and a few years from now. Is he going to be the guy who was a amazing athlete but a sub-par person or is he going to be the guy who looked like a god on the ice then could walk off and still be seen as one" she asks me.

"People see me as a problem" I remind her.

"You gave them reasons to think that. Now give them some reasons that you could be the answers instead" she claims.

I just shake my head as I turn to her. "I'm lucky to have you" I admit.

She starts to blush and I swear to you I was going to lose it. But I hold it together as she looks away. "I don't know about that. But my sister had a point about the way our paths met and how they're merging together. It has to mean something, right" she asks.

"Who knows. One day it might mean everything" I smile.