The Greatest Assist (Patrick Kane)

23| My Guy

Chelsea

When I was a kid I always said my life was dark. That my life is dressed up in all these nice things but under the fancy clothes and bright lights was that darkness that never left. That consumed me and made everything I did hard. Because all I felt was darkness, sadness, pain. It was a suffer in silence kind of thing, but not just sound was silent but so was the light. It was so far off that I was convinced there was no light.

That's kinda how I felt right now. Like I was surrounded by complete and utter darkness. I don't remember a lot from falling through the ice. I remember being more scared than I have ever been. I remember seeing Patrick trying to come get me before I went under. Trying his hardest to get to me before the water did. But I don't remember drowning or anything else after that.

As soon as I wake up they start doing tests on me. My moms a neurosurgeon so I know all about what they were looking for. Making sure no parts of my brain was permanently damaged. For the most part I remember stuff so the amnesia wasn't that big of a deal. Naturally with a traumatic event my memory would be one of the first things to go. But the important things I can remember so that was good. My speech was a little off and my motor functions were impaired, but if what they told me is true I was lucky that it was just this.

After a while they let people in to see me and I see my brothers and my best friends run to my side. They talk a mile a minute telling me how happy they were that I was awake just talking and stuff. I was asleep for 5 days so I'm just happy to be up and see the people I love the most when I finally did. I was pretty tired but I've had enough sleep to last me a long time.

Then there was Patrick standing in the back of the room just watching. His head down and his eyes sad as he stood there not moving. I could just feel something was wrong, like there was more to this than I know. So I try my best to get my family out of here without them worrying about me so I can talk to Patrick alone.

"Hey Bryan, can you and Tatum go get my mail from my apartment and can I have Marissa and Kanan pick some things up from the store for me" I ask.

"Of course" Bryan assures me. He kisses the top of my head before everyone follows him out. Patrick starts to follow until I stop him.

"Patrick, you stay" I tell him.

So he mopes his way over to the side of the bed and sits in the chair Bryan was just in. He doesn't even look at me as he stares at the floor.

"What's going on" I ask.

"Nothing" he tries.

"Come on, were way too close for you to try and get away with that answer" I tease.

He lets out a dry chuckle as he shakes his head. "This has actually been the worst time of my life. Watching you lay there not knowing if you'll remember me, if you'll still like me. It killed me" he claims.

"I could never forget you" I promise.

"But what if you did? Why if you couldn't talk? What if you couldn't walk again. What if you couldn't help people?

What if you died" he whispers.

"I didn't though" I argue.

"You did. A few times and I was there for it. My heart broke each time yours stopped. I was losing my mind and the only person that could keep me together... was you" he says.

"Look at me" I beg. He looks up and he had tears in his eyes. The grief and fear present and the foremost expressions on his face. "I'm not mad at you" I assure him. "I'm thankful for you. I'm happy that you are in my life and that you're still here. The doctors told me you haven't left my side. You got my brothers and my friends to be here so when I woke up so I could smile. You did that" I explain.

"You wouldn't be here in the first place if it wasn't for me" he whimpers.

"If it wasn't for you I wouldn't want to wake up" I say. His eyes lighten as they focus in on me. "My life here, with you, is the best thing I've ever known. You are the only person I have learned to trust since I was in middle school. You show me how to have a good time and how to find myself in the world. I wouldn't change a second of my time with you, you have to know that" I insist.

"I couldn't even protect you" he tries.

"I don't want protection" I argue.

"Kanan seems to think different..." he trails off. I knew this would happen and sadly I wasn't awake to stop them.

"What did he say" I groan. I should have known with those two here something happened.

"Nothing that isn't true" he claims.

"If I wanted protecting I would have stayed in LA where Marissa and Kanan would kill anything I thought might harm me. But I needed to find for myself who I am and who I want to be" I defend.

"And who is that" he questions.

"I'm not sure yet. I know I'm supposed to be here, I know that these people I have here are my kind of people. I've learned that I love watching you play hockey and how all the peoples eyes light up when they watch you. It's nothing short of amazing.

I know this situation isn't ideal but I'm still alive. I'm still here. I might be broken but I'm not going to stay down. I want to stay here and continue working for you... you know. If you still want me" I try.

"Of course I still want you, in any way possible" he says.

"Any way" I tease.

"Watch it Princess" he warns and I smile. For the first time since I woke up I actually smile.

"Thank you" I say.

"For almost killing you" he asks.

"You didn't make me stubborn. I wanted to go out there, I wanted to be right. That's not on you. I knew there was a risk going out there but I went anyway.

And you saved me Patrick, you know that" I try.

"It's hard to feel like the hero when you constantly fuck everything up" he argues.

"You're not looking at it the right way. It's not about how or why this happened, none of that changes the fact that it did. This is how we grow, muscles have to rip in order to come back stronger. That's all it is" I insist. 

"I just feel so... awful" he sighs.

"I know what you mean" I joke making him smirk. "But we're going to get through this. I can't expect you to take care of yourself" I tease.

"It's been hard without you these past 5 days, for so many reasons. I'm just happy you're up" he insists.

"Me too. But you have to promise me that you're not going to spend any more time in here being sorry for yourself. You're too important to be stuck here moping around" I beg.

"I'll stop the moping, but I'm not leaving here until you do" he argues.

"I'm not going to win this debate, am I" I laugh.

"Not this time" he winks.

"Alright fine. You can stay. But I don't want you letting this all get into your head. Just focus on the positive and it'll all be okay" I promise.

"I honestly don't know how much I'll be around you when everyone else is here. I think Kanan hates me" he insists.

"He can't hate you. You two are my guys so if I tell him to stop he will. I promise" I insist.

"I'm your guy now" he finally smiles making my heart skip a beat.

"Yeah. You're my guy."