The Greatest Assist (Patrick Kane)

14| Rain Check

Patrick

Being on the road is hard for young guys like me. Although Chicago isn't where I'm from it's still home to me. It's where I come back to every time I'm away and leaving is hard. When we go to new cities there's new temptations and things that can cause me to get into trouble. Sometimes I'm not even looking for it, sometimes it finds me. And now that I promised Chelsea I was going to stay out of trouble leaving Chicago has become scary for me. I don't want to get lost in my old ways but I wasn't sure what else there is to do out here other than drink. That's where my friends are, where I feel like I'm supposed to be. I don't know how to say no to that voice in my head saying I needed a drink.

So for these couple of away games Chelsea comes with me. Everyone knew about her and what she did for me so I had nothing to hide. A lot of them applauded me for finding someone like her who wanted to help me. They would have done it themselves but they have their own lives to worry about. So as we bounce between St. Louis and Columbus she was going to be with me every step of the way.

It was nice to know she's there. That if something happens I can come to her and she won't tell me to get over it or that I'll be fine. What I am doing isn't okay and I'm tired of acting like it is. I know the guys would bail me out if I needed the help but sometimes they're the problem. Like right now when they all got restless after flying from St. Louis to Columbus and wanted to drink. But I know that if I left with them I would feel like shit when I came back, and I don't want to feel so empty anymore. I don't want to be lost in my own life. I wanted to be here and that meant I couldn't go there.

"Oh come on Kaner, since when did you not want to be in a bar" Duncan asks me as I sigh.

"I'm sorry Duncs, but you're just going to have to trust me. I'm taking a rain check" I defend.

"Are you sick" he wonders.

"No" I promise.

"Are you in a relationship" Bolly wonders.

"Nope" I assure him.

"Oh my god he is dying" Jonny jokingly gasps causing some of the guys to gasp too.

"No! I'm just taking a step back and trying to look at where my life is. Thats a lot easier to do when I can see straight" I try to explain.

"Lame" Sharpy scoffs.

"Yeah. Who cares about preparing for the future if you're young right now? You won't have this time back, you might as well spend it having fun" Jonny claims.

I let out a huff as I shake my head. Situations like this is what got me in trouble in the first place. And I know they want me out in the bars with them drinking and having a good time, but I just can't do that right now. I'm trying to move past all the drinks and partying so this isn't going to help.

"Sorry guys, but I'm out" I put my foot down.

They let out defeated grunts before taking to the streets. I go back to my room before running into Chelsea on my way. I made sure she stayed at the same hotel so I could see her and if she needed she could see me too.

She smiles at me big as she stops to talk. "Hey Patches, what's up" she wonders.

"Nothing much" I shrug. "The guys went to the bar and ditched me so now I am going to go in and see if I could catch a game on cable" I explain.

"The guys went out and you didn't" she gasps.

"Don't worry, they were shocked too. But I'm serious about getting better. You're trying to help me and if I went with them I feel like that was disrespectful to you and what you're trying to do. I'm not saying that I won't ever drink again but I do know if I start up drinking again it'll be harder and harder to stop each time. I noticed that today when my friends kept begging me to go and I kept having to say no. But I'm going to get better" I assure her.

"Well I'm proud of you. I'm happy that you stood up for yourself instead of saying yes all the time because it was the easy thing to do. Sometimes the hardest thing is to say no, especially when it's so easy to say yes. There comes a point where we don't even realize what we're signing ourselves up for and before we know it we're in too deep.

But the fact that you were strong enough to tell people you like that you want to do what's good for yourself and not them, that takes a lot of strength" she admits.

"You're my strength. I couldn't have done it without you. You coming on this trip shows me that you're not just trying to help me now but no matter where I am or who I am with. I didn't think I would be strong enough to stay while they all left. But knowing you were here and that you were pulling for me makes the world of difference. Thank you" I say.

"Any time" she smiles.

I let her go because all I needed was one of the guys catching me walking out of her room or her out of mine. They have this theory that we have a secret relationship but it's just not true. I'm in no position to be in a relationship and she's made it clear she wouldn't want to be with me. Even though the universe is telling me different, even though her eyes are telling me different, that's what I have to go with.

So I go back to my room and plop on the couch. I put my phone on the charger before finding a hockey game to watch on tv. I kick my feet up and try to get some rest. But like the other guys I wasn't all that tired either. We didn't have morning skate tomorrow since we traveled tonight so I was hoping to relax some more tomorrow. Maybe show Chelsea around since she's not familiar with the Midwest. We can find some food and just hang out. Because no matter what we mean to each other she's one of the best friends I've ever had. And it's weird because I pay her to hang out with me and talk to me. Yet it's the most genuine and raw relationship that I have ever had. She knows it and I know it too, that's what makes it so special.