The Greatest Assist (Patrick Kane)

29| Moving On

Chelsea

For as long as I can remember I have felt in control of my life, like that no matter what happens I can get through it. Even when I fell through the ice I knew that I would be okay and I can get back to living my life the way I wanted to. Simple yet beautiful and challenging yet fun. I could control my emotions and my outlook on life, I knew everything I needed to know.

Then he kissed me and now I feel like I don't know anything. I feel lost and confused and I don't know what to do. My plan to be his assistant and make a difference was right where I needed it to be. I could see the difference I had made in his life and it had nothing to do with the feelings we had for each other. He was just surprising everyone and learning how to live life right and be the best hockey player he could be. And now I'm afraid that everything we worked on, what we worked for will be undone because we will act out of emotion and not what we need in order to keep moving foreword.

After we kissed I said I wanted to forget about it but I couldn't. It was on my mind every moment I was awake and every moment I was dreaming. I couldn't not think about the way I felt like I could fly as his lips met mine. How he made me feel like I have never felt before. It used to be easy to hide my feelings from him, but now it's impossible and I don't know what to do.

I sit at the hockey game and watch as the guys come out to the ice for warm ups. I sit with the other wives and girlfriends just in my own little world. I have a jacket on this time and physically I was as comfortable as can be. But mentally I've never been more uncomfortable in my life.

"Are you okay" someone asks and I see Abby waving her hand in front of my face.

After the accident I got really close with Abby and Dayna and Elina. They visited me almost every day in the hospital and they were there when I needed them to be. And since we're on the same schedule pretty much they're who I hang out with around here.

I shake my head as I come back to the moment. "What? I mean, yeah. I'm good" I try.

"Are you sure" she asks me.

I let out a long sigh as I look up from the same spot I had been staring at for a few minutes now. I see Patrick standing on the ice staring right at me. I stare back as I try to figure out what to do or say. But we just look for a few more seconds before he had to continue doing warm ups. I feel my heart break as he turns around just as confused as I am about everything that's going on.

"Are you two doing okay" Dayna questions.

I feel the tears start to come up but I push them away. "Yeah" I whisper but my voice cracks.

"Did he hurt you" she asks lowly.

I just shake my head as my eyes fall back to the floor again. "No. He didn't hurt me" I explain. "It's just, all so confusing. Things are changing and I don't want them to change. But I almost died and he saved my life and now..." I trail off.

"Now things are different" Abby says.

I nod along as she lets out a sigh. Who would have figured that the one thing I wanted to do I did and now I want it not to be so different.

Abby reaches over and rests her hand on my leg trying to give me some comfort. Trying to make me feel less like a thorn in a side.

"I know it's been a rough few weeks. And I don't know what you and Patrick have gone through, but I do know that you'll get through it together. You guys are tough, some of the toughest people I know. It might be confusing right now but I have every right to believe that everything will work out in the end" she insists.

"And what if it doesn't" I question.

"Well you guys will figure it out, together. You always do" she insists.

The game comes and goes and they beat the Ducks in over time. The girls all head home but I wait for Patrick outside the locker rooms. People come filing out and I say goodbye to them as they head on home. Patrick is one of the last people to leave the room but he comes moping out. He sees me and his eyes light up a little before he turns and walks my way.

Without a word he pulls me into a hug and holds me tight. I wrap my arms around him as we just embrace each other for a few seconds. "Are you okay" I ask him a little worried that something had happened to him.

"I don't know anymore" he admits.

"You want to talk about it" I ask him.

"Yeah. But you don't" he reminds me.

I let out a long sigh because I knew I couldn't avoid this forever. I didn't want to talk about it because I didn't want the kiss to ruin our relationship, but there won't be much of one left if we can't talk to each other.

"Why don't we find some place quiet to sit and talk" I ask him.

He nods his head on my shoulder as we finally let go. We jump into his car and we just sit there. The heat was going but the radio was off as we just look at the United Center from his car. He just continues to look out the window as I wait for him to say something, anything.

"Are you mad at me" I wonder.

He lets out a dry laugh as he shakes his head. "No, no I'm not mad at you Princess" he promises.

"Then what's wrong" I beg. I can't fix it if he doesn't tell me.

"I don't know, that's the problem. Even if we did talk about that kiss I wouldn't know what to say. How to explain how I felt, there are no words for it. What it means to me is not clear. I've been trying to ignore these feelings I have but they're so loud, screaming in my ear every second of the day.

I don't know what to do or what to say. I look at you and I know that you are the only person in this world I care about and for some reason I feel like it's more than that" he explains.

"Is it love" I ask him.

"I don't know the first thing about love" he admits.

"And how did you expect to learn" I wonder.

"Honestly from you. For some reason I always knew it was going to be you" he insists.

I fiddle with my fingers in my lap as I try not to break under his stare. "What about you? Ever been in love" he asks.

"Just the one time and it was pretty uneven. I loved him a lot more than he would ever love me so I vowed to never fall again" I defend.

"It's called falling for a reason" he reminds me.

"I know" I smile. "But that's why this whole situation is so hard for me. I don't want to get hurt again, and I most certainly don't want to hurt you" I insist.

"And I don't want to hurt you" he agrees.

"So what do we do" I ask.

"Try to move on I guess. We still work really well together and we both have a lot of things we still want to do. And should fate have it maybe we can give us a try, once the dust settles" he explains.

"I would like that a lot" I smile.

I lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek before I get out of his car. He drives off and I let out the longest sigh, I feel like I'm losing my mind.