The Greatest Assist (Patrick Kane)

34| Empty Excuse

Patrick

After spending five days in paradise it was time to come back to reality, and fast. We already had practices and media things to attend to as soon as we got into the city. Just another friendly reminder that I really don't control much of my life at this point. I'm a character in the movie of my life but there's people who are producing and changing the script every day without asking me first.

"Nice tan" Jonny teases as he nudges my shoulder. I shrug him off as he looks at me weird. "What's wrong with you now?"

"Nothing" I mumble as I try to turn away from him.

"Chelsea said that you guys had the best time in Nevis, I don't get why you're acting like this" he claims and I perk up.

"She did" I question.

"Yeah" he says as he looks at me weird. "I kinda overheard her taking to Abby and Dayna and Elina about all the things you guys did. She said you guys had the time of your lives" he insists.

"We did. It was paradise but we had to come back" I say sadly.

"No one is making you be here Patrick" he reminds me.

Jonathan likes to think that he's my dad, and he's so by the book he might as well be. He tries to keep up with me and my life but it never works out. He just gets frustrated in my choices before yelling "whatever! It's your life, screw it up" before giving me the silent treatment for the next day or so.

But he does try and I appreciate that. I know my life isn't easy for anyone involved and he does care. He just has a shitty way of showing it.

"Jonathan you know I have to be here. For so many reason I have to be here" I remind him.

"You can quit" he insists.

"And why would I do that? I love this team, this sport, this city. If I quit I would be giving up on everything that I've worked my entire life for. What my family has given up endless sacrifices for. I don't have to like that I have to be here but I do have to be here" I defend.

"You're basically a hockey god, I don't get why you wouldn't want to come back anyway" he argues.

"Because for the first time in my life I didn't feel like a problem. When we were there and sitting on the beach or in the water or at the resort I wasn't thinking about blown coverages or back checking. I was happy to just be there, to be with her.

And then I opened my big fat mouth and ruined it" I sigh.

"What did you do... this time" he questions.

"She told me that she was willing to be with me. You know... romantically" I explain.

"Dear god you just ruined your life, didn't you" he asks.

"She deserves better than me" I try.

"That's the most empty excuse you could ever use. And she's smart enough to figure that out" he claims.

"I don't want to hurt her, okay? I don't want her to think I'm the one and then wake up one day only to see that everyone was right about me. I want so bad to be the person she thinks I can be but I don't know if I can do that. I can't undo what I've already done and I can't act like I didn't do those things, because I did. And I'm bound to mess up and I can't put her in danger again. I almost lost her once, I can't lose her again" I whisper.

"You big dumbass, she knows everything you just said. The fact that she still wants to be with you is a miracle in itself, the fact you're throwing that away makes you more idiotic than I originally thought" he argues.

"Man, I need new friends" I mumble.

"I only say this because I care. Because I was with you through some of those moments where you didn't want to be here anymore and you didn't care what happened to you in return. The fact that she got you to stop drinking, to take care of yourself and eat better. She got you to take your life seriously when I honestly thought you were too far gone. Have you thought that maybe she's more good for you than you are bad for her" he questions.

I let out a long sigh as I shrug my shoulders. He rests his hand on my back before giving me a few pats. "I'm rooting for you Pat, I really am. But there is some things worth talking a chance for, you just have to decide if it's worth it" he insists.

He takes off and I sit there and think for a while. Life was so much easier when I ignored my emotions. I think being confused is just as bad as knowing what you feel but thinking that it doesn't matter in the end. What I would do to spend the rest of my life on that island, but I know I need to be here.

We finish up with practice and I head on out of the rink. I see Chelsea waiting for me and I smile to myself. I felt like she was upset with me but she never would tell me if she was. I walk over to her and pull her into a hug. She smelled like shampoo and flowers and it made me smile.

"I didn't know you were coming to practice. You could have slept in since we got back so late last night" I promise.

"It's okay. It's not like I have anything better to do and I promised to catch up with some of the girls" she explains.

"And Jonny apparently" I tease.

"He was there for a little bit. He's mad that you didn't invite him to our friends trip" she laughs.

"He's a 6 million dollar man who doesn't have any baggage or anyone telling him how to act, he can more than afford his own trip" I scoff.

"Money can't buy you good company" she reminds me.

"I know. That's why I'm so lucky to have you" I admit.

"So what do you want to do the rest of the day" she wonders.

"Honestly hanging out at your place sounds like fun" I admit.

"Great! I can show you the vacation pictures" she cheers.

"You didn't print them off, did you" I ask.

"I made a scrap book" she smiles and I shake my head. I hope she never changes.