The Greatest Assist (Patrick Kane)

33| A Game Of Trust

Chelsea

Being so far away from the states and the life that I knew was pretty nice. While the allstar game was one of the greatest times of my life, I was still pretty overwhelmed with everything being so new to me. I'm a pretty chill person so this wake up, eat, swim, eat again and then go to bed kind of life was really tempting to me. But I know I can't make a difference in places like this so I would have to go back eventually. I was just going to enjoy every moment here possible before I had to go back.

"What do I wear on a date that's not a date" Patrick asks me as he holds up two different outfits. I look between the two choices before pointing to the shorts and tank top in his right hand.

"That one for sure" I insist and he nods.

He goes to get change and I pull on my jean shorts I got while I was here. I tie up a tank top I bought and let my beach waves crash against my skin. Once I find my sun glasses and purse I was ready to go. The only makeup I had on was the tan of my skin and that was enough.

We walk to the restaurant at the four seasons hotel we were at and sit down at a table. We look over the menus and contemplate what to get.

"What can I get the lovely couple tonight" the waitress asks us and my eyes go big.

"Oh no. We're not dating" I try.

"Yeah. We're just friends who came here on vacation together" Patrick explains.

"So you two are friends here alone on a romantic vacation" she questions asks.

"Pretty much" I shrug.

"I've heard weirder" she admits. "So what can I get you guys today?"

We put in our order and enjoy the beautiful scene right outside the window. I swear there was no place you could go on this island that wasn't absolutely beautiful.

"Is it bad I kinda don't want to go back? And I'm not talking a lot Chicago because I love that city. I'm talking about going back to who I have to be when we get there" I ask.

"No" Patrick scoffs. "I don't want to go back quite yet either. I forgot what life is like outside of hockey, that there's still so much to this life I don't know and I won't know until hockey is over. But for now I know my place in this world and it's in Chicago on the ice" he shrugs.

"Are you expecting to be able to start your life once hockey is over" I question.

"Pretty much" he admits.

"Patrick, life doesn't wait for anyone. Not even someone as gifted as you. Life is constantly happening and it's not going to wait to see if you want to be a part of it or not. Life happens regardless of what we say or do so you might as well live it. Are you going to wait until your 50 to start a family, settle down and get married" I ask.

"Guys like me don't get a happily ever after" he defends.

"Why not" I pout.

"Because I'm not a prince. You can dream up this stuff because you're meant to be happy with a nice husband and a family, but not me. I fuck everything up, it's what I do" he shrugs.

"You're not a fuck up Patrick, you're human. Everyone messes up but because of who you are your mistakes are magnified. That's not something you should hold against yourself. And you deserve to have something other than hockey to make you happy" I argue.

"I have you now" he tries but I shake my head.

"I'm not a happily ever after" I insist.

"But you are to me" he claims. I stop arguing as he just stares at me. "I mean... it's not like that. It's just that I'm okay not having a relationship or kids and stuff like that because I have you. You make me happy" he tries. I don't think I that made anything better.

"But for how long? People want love, they want something to hold on to. It's human nature and no matter how much you tell yourself you're okay with your life the way it is it doesn't change the fact that you're going to want more. And you deserve more. Us like this, isn't going to last forever" I insist.

"I never said it was always going to be like this, just that I hope that you're always with me. Any way possible" he explains.

"Do you expect me to just wait around for you to be done for my life to begin" I question.

"No, you deserve better than that. Whatever your happily ever after may be I hope you find it. I hope you get everything you want and and more" he claims.

"I'm just... confused I guess. You want me to have my happily ever after but you don't think that you are a part of it even though you want to be" I ask.

"I do. I just... you deserve better than me" he claims.

"And what if it's you that I want? Just not 25 years from now when my life should be mostly over but I would have to be starting" I ask.

I see his shoulders fall as his eyes rest on the table between us. A long sigh passes his lips as he thinks. "I could never be what you need me to be. You should know that better than anyone. My life is in constant turmoil and I can't control it. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard to turn it around. To be the guy parents want their kids to grow up to be. But all I know is the struggle and the pain" he argues.

"All I see is a man who is great in his own right and who is way too hard on himself. Who is adored by so many people but can never see that because he's looking at all the wrong things" I defend.

"And when I'm with you I don't see the bad. I see me the way you see me and I finally feel good enough. But I know that if I promised to be more to you I would only let you down. I would only hurt you if I became anything more than friends and I couldn't hurt you like that. I just don't want to lose you from my life at the same time" he says.

"And what if what I want is to be with you? To have a family and to be able to go anywhere in this world and know that I'm where I'm supposed to be because I'm there with you" I question.

"I don't want to hurt you" he whispers.

"It's bound to happen Patrick. Life just works like that. But if you tried we could find a way" I remind him.

"I'm sorry, but I can't be what's wrong with your life" he begs. "When it's comes to hurting myself it's different, I have to live with myself. But nothing in this world says you have to stay with me as a assistant or as more. I don't want you to be tied to me and not be able to get away from it all like I can't. That's not fair" he argues.

"I don't need your protecting" I insist.

"This isn't me thinking you can't handle me or my life. You're the toughest girl I know and you can handle me. But that doesn't change the fact that your happiness matters to me and in order for me to make sure you stay happy I need to be by your side, even if it's not in a way either of us prefer" he defends.

"So what now? I wait until you're ready to be in a relationship? I'm supposed to stay around and hope for the best" I ask.

"No. I just need you to trust me on this. Do you trust me" he questions.

I stare at him before a soft sigh passes my lips. "I trust you" I promise.