-It Do Be Like that Sometimes- |Laurance x reader|

48- Please.

The tents were mildly adjusted; Aphmau was still with Katelyn and I was still with Travis, but Garroth shared with Vylad, Laurance shared with Lucinda, Yip and Leona shared while Dante stayed on the look out and had the option to switch with anyone whenever he got tired.

"Hey, are you awake?" Travis asked, I heard him roll over to face me in the sleeping bag, so I did the same to tell him yes. "You weren't okay earlier, we're you?"

"Of course I wasn't fucking okay!" I whisper-shouted, "I'm so fucking stupid, he loved, loves, and will always love Aphmau. There's nothing I can do to change that." I know what I said earlier: who needs alcohol when you could sleep, but alcohol could really help round about now.

"That's not true-"

"Yes it is. I really liked him you know, but everything is so complicated, from Aphmau to Vylad, it just makes me wonder if it's worth it."

"Of course it's worth it, think about how happy you were, you can have that and be even happier. That's got to be worth it."

"Yeah well, look how miserable I am right now. It fucking sucks. I really fancied him too. Maybe if I act more like Aphmau-"

"Absolutely not!" He scalded, "You can't change yourself for him. That's so dumb and it's really putting yourself down. He likes you because of how confident and independent you are. Stay being you."

"First of all, I won't be 'changing myself for him', I'll just be altering specific characteristics and personality traits to suit his individual preferences. And second of all, this is all yours and Garroths fault anyway, I just don't understand why you couldn't of just let us be."

"I don't care how many fancy, long words - that I can't understand - you put in that sentence, it's just a more formal way of saying that you'll change yourself for him. And yeah, you're right. We did push in places we shouldn't of. But we're going to make it right, just you see!"

"No," I told him, "don't fuck up my life more than you already have."

He was taken aback from my sudden snap and takes a deep breath, tearing directly into my eyes. "Y/n, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, you were just trying to help." I sighed, leaving the tent and offered to take over for Dante since I couldn't sleep anyways.

I sat in silence for a few minutes. A few minutes that felt like a lifetime. It was then when I realised, we were drifting. I may be over thinking it, but Laurance and I... Didn't feel right. I know he only just got back from the trip but we barely spoke, he barely looked at me. Not just us though, I was drifting from myself. I could feel it. I've been through this before. I don't want to go back to that miserable time of my life. I wasn't happy, I wasn't sad, I was nothing, I was numb. Numb all over. I felt my own life force seeping out through myself, and it seemed to be visible to very few, but I hoped it wasn't. I hoped people wouldn't notice. That's the thing too though, I wanted people to notice, but I didn't want them to at the same time. I don't want pity from anyone, not like the time before. So, what do I want? I don't know. I just... want things to go back to what they were.

"Now, that was a good wizz." A voice said, satisfied.

Who the fuck says that.

Of course, it was him.

"No one says wizz anymore, dumbass."

"Gah, y/n! What are you doing here?" he jumped.

"I couldn't sleep." I replied rather bluntly.

"Oh, me neither." he replied, rubbing the back of his head.

I patted the log beside me, inviting him to sit down. He did so with a considerable gap between us and we sat there in silence for a while.

"Laurance?" I almost hummed his name, craving his voice, craving his touch, craving his warmth, craving him.

"Yeah, what is it?" he asked, tensing up anxiously. All I wanted to do was hug him and fall asleep in his arms, is that so much to ask?

"Did something happen?" I replied, answering his question with another question.

"No, I don't think so. Is something wrong?"

I ignored his question and adjusted mind to be more clear, "Did you fall back in love with Aphmau?"

He looked worried, "Y/n, where is this coming from?"

"I'm thinking of going back to Meteli." I answered bluntly.

"Huh? What? You can't!"

"Why not? There's nothing for me here."

"What happened to when you said that you'll follow me?"

"That was when I felt like you wanted me to. I'm not one to overstay my welcome." I sighed, "You know a few weeks ago, when I said you were more like Kale or Spinach than a Buttercup? Do you know why I said that?"

"I remember it, but no." I felt him stare deep into my soul, he was genuinely worried.

"Plants like that are supposed to be able to release a light, even though it's dim. I found it ironic since we're both Shadow Knights; Knights of Shadows or whatever you want to call it. But, the thing is, you can't have a Shadow without a bit of light. You were my light, and I thought I was yours. But I realise I was wrong. I was just being stupid and naive. That's why I'm going back to Meteli. There, I can be my own light, Meteli can be my light. I don't need to rely on you anymore. Sorry for being cheesy."

"What if I want you to rely on me?"

"Then that's a massive dick move."

"No! I didn't mean it like that!" he replied frantically, "I meant what if I wanted you to become my light. Not just a dim light though, like a really really bright light."

I laughed, "No."

He looked shocked, "No?"

"No, I don't want to be your pitty girlfriend. All I want is for things to go back to the way they were, when things were less complicated and it was just you and me. When it was just the two of us, I could've taken on anything. But you're not by my side anymore, and I get that. You couldn't even look at me because you love Aphmau too much, and you can't get rid of those feelings. Trust me, I know. I don't want to get in your way and confuse things between the two of you."

Even after everything I said to Vylad, I'm always going to love him. The difference is that I'm not in love with him. That's like me to Laurance, if he ever loved him in the first place.

He put both of his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him, "I don't know what thoughts you've been drilling into your head, but I don't love Aphmau. I love you."

This was supposed to be a really heartfelt moment, I just poured out my heart and soul, and finally worked up to courage to tell Laurance how I felt. But I couldn't hold it in, I burst out laughing, "You love me? Alright, sure you do." I suffocated him with a tight embrace, silently chuckling, "You're just saying that to make me feel better. Do me a favour and forget about what's happened tonight. You have no idea how glad it would make me to know we're back to normal."

"Y/n," he sighed, causing me to loosen my grip and gaze into his gorgeous blue eyes, "I'm not saying that to make you feel better."

"What?" I laughed awkwardly.

He instantly blushed a very deep red and stood up in a craze, "Um, no, nevermind. You're right, let's forget what what's happened tonight. I should get back inside-"

I grabbed his hand as he tried to walk off, taking him him surprise. "No, stay," I said, unsure whether it's a question or a statement, "please."

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Posting twice bc I want to lol yall enjoy