sᴛʀᴀᴡʙᴇʀʀʏ ᴊᴀᴍ ↝ sᴏᴘᴇ ✔︎

ᴅɪᴀᴍᴇᴛʀɪᴄ 1:1

⚠️ if easily triggered by in depth self degrading thoughts, toxic relationships and hatred towards body image, please put your mental health first and do not read, or proceed with caution ⚠️

❤︎ ♡ ♥︎ ❤︎ ♡ ♥︎ ❤︎ ♡ ♥︎ ❤︎

Yoongi hated nothing more than having to wake up everyday and stare at his scrawny, non proportional, and bruised body.

Dark circles lay under his eyes, exhaustion easily visible in those dark browns. His puffy cheeks that he despised, as there was that frequent reminder that people had high and protruding cheek bones. His eyebrows were always shaggy and misshapen, no matter how many times he's attempting at plucking them to get that perfectly lined arch. The only thing about his face that did didn't hate with every bone in his body was his decent jawline. It wasn't insanely sharp, but it was visible enough so people could clearly see it without him having to flex it.

Yet, below that one good feature, were many more imperfections.

His bad posture, from constantly slumped shoulder and hunched over back, it made the boy look like the Hunch Back if Norte Dame. Hatred filled every part of his body once he saw his bent over stance in the mirror, and that was one among the many reasons why he never took pictures of himself standing up. The simple idea of posing with an un straightened back pestered the living hell out of him.

Abs or any hint of muscle were nonexistent; as Yoongi never found the confidence, motivation, or encouragement from peers that he also didn't have to workout. The mere thought of having to go to a gym with other people scared the crap out of him, he didn't want others to see how weak he was. Because he knew for a fact, that if he went, he'd embarrass himself by not knowing how to work the exercise machines or properly work out.

So, what was the point?

Lastly, his feeble and stick-thin legs, of which not one ounce of muscle or any sigh of strength was visible to the naked eye. Whenever he saw other college campus students jogging, running, or showing off their perfectly toned and athletic bodies with revealing articles of clothing, envy filled him. He wanted nothing more than to gain weight, than to look like something other than a skeleton.

It wasn't his fault he was thin, but his extremely high levels of stress and the medication he was put on for it caused him to be severely underweight, this the reason why he only restricted himself to wear baggy clothing. The food wasn't a problem, in fact Yoongi ate the average amount a day, and healthy portions and meals at that.

It was completely out of his control.

And that's what caused his puny appearance, the only thing covering his organs was the thin layer of skin and bones. With one glance towards the nineteen year old boy, one would assume he was a zombie, as all the life had been entirely sucked out of him, leaving this disheveled impression. 

Nothing about it was flattering.

At least in his eyes, clouded with walls and walls of built up insecurities from past relationships, friendships, and his own self intoxicating mind.

And that was the reason why he barely even tried.

Not putting any effort into dressing at least somewhat decent, he just always threw on whatever combination of hoodies and sweatpants were clean.

After all, there was no one to impress.

He didn't have any friends.

Or significant others.

Never had, and never will.

In his dark yet unforgettable past, those first few experiments with relationships ruined his entire perception of them.