Nanny Dearest

Chapter Thirty Opening Up

"I'm hungry." Ruslan said, we was in the car listening to music and my seat was back while my feet was prop up on his lap. His seat was back a little bit as he causally was massaging my feet. I owe katia a favor because I thought she was kidding.

"You just ate." I said wiggling my toes.

"Ima big man." He said and we share a laugh. I stare at himself for a while taking in a few details and something click.

"Are you fully tatted?" I asked him and he turned his attention from the window to me.

"Yeah."

"Legs and all?" I sit up a bit.

"Family tradition, if we were to have a reunion you'll see all then mens in the family fully tatted. Expect for the kids of course." He said 

"Oh." I lean my seat up some and held my hand out. "May I see your arm?" I asked and he stop rubbing my feet with land his right arm to me. I look over his tattoos and trace it, it was done really nice. If I'm being honest I always wanted a tattoo but growing up in a strict household that was a no go. I smile a little seeing two veins showing a little, for some reason I find that attractive I don't know why.

"Question." He broke the silence and I look at him. 

"Hm?" 

"Might be early for me to ask but the way you treat my son as if he's yours. I always had the question in the back of my head. Do you have any kids?" He asked and I tense up a little.

"No." I shyly said and I felt his gaze so I kept focus tracing over his tattoo. 

"We don't have to have the conversation if it makes you uncomfortable." He said and I look at him raising an eyebrow. 

"How do you know if I'm comfortable or not?" I asked and he shrugged. 

"I notice shit too, you get tense when you in uncomfortable situations. You bad at controlling your body language." He spoke and I hit his arm.

"I didn't ask for the truth." I said and he laughed. "But no I'm find with having this conversation." I said and he nod his head.

"Makar talks about you a lot too so that's why I asked." He said and I smiled, awe little boy a bragger. I'm proud. 

"Are you considering having more?" I asked and starting to feel kind if nervous a little.

"Depends on the right person, but I would like two. I want a girl." He said and I try my hardest not to smile, with someone who has his attitude I would assume he wants nothing but boys. "What about you?" He asked and I shrug stop tracing his arm and leaned on him.

"Oh I can't have kids." I said casually and he nod his head for some reason I felt the need to explain. "My last relationship we try, do to stress and constant arguing was lowkey causing a risky pregnancy but in all seriousness I think it's just infertility. I don't have trouble getting pregnant I have trouble staying pregnant." I mumble and felt him put his arm around me and I relaxed a little.

"You had a miscarriage." He said and I nodded my head.

"He wanted to try again I wasn't really for it. I politely ask him to wait till I'm fully over it." I shift a little taking a deep breath."but apparently I a year or two was too long for him. The relationship was really toxic after the miscarriage and one day I just snap and left. I was getting tired of it no one wants to wake up and argue or go to sleep and argue. Especially hearing you kilt your own child, I just couldn't take the blame anymore." I said zoning out the window.

"It takes two and from what I just heard you basically didn't get a break during your pregnancy. " he said and I pulled away sitting up.

"I didn't I did everything no help at all the shit was irritating and he went through a whole personality change so everything happen to fast. Usually I would thought a man would become more responsible finding out he was having a child on the way." I said resting my head against the window and look at the time. "Its 2:30, Makar gets out soon." I said and he stared the car.