Me, Myself, and Them. |TAEKOOK|

47

Vic, this is Taehyung.

I know my response to your letter is far overdue and I apologize. I just wanted to think about what I had to say before I tried to say it. I still don't know what to say so I apologize if I'm all over the place in this letter.

I know you know pretty much all about me and all about the system but I still feel the need to introduce myself. I'm Kim Taehyung and I'm the host of our system. I recently started age sliding but I'm not exactly sure what age I drop to when I slide.

I want to apologize for my ill feelings towards you when V and Minseok first integrated, I know it was completely out of your control and I shouldn't hold something that you can't control against you. Not only that, you saved V and Minseok from themselves and I'll always be eternally grateful to you for that.

V and Minseok had only just started to make sense to me in the last two or three years. I didn't udnerstand why V wanted to hurt me so badly and I didn't know why he existed if all he did was bring harm to the body as well but over the years I've come to realize how wrong I was.

I used to hate V. I wanted to 'get rid of him' or 'put him to sleep' as he would put it, and it was true. For years I thought life would be better off without him.

A few years ago I started to depend on him more, I'd let him call the shots because I felt like I had no other choice. I felt like I had to do what he said in order to preserve the body. I used to wonder how they could call him a protector when all he did was hurt me and everyone else.

But now I know he only hurt us so no one else would.

I related everything negative with V for so long and it seems like just when I was beginning to understand him I've lost him. I know he's apart of you but he's no longer a part of me and, even though it hurts, I know it's all apart of the healing process.

Minseok...we never really said much to each other. He was a protector but he wasn't as connected to me as the other alters and I felt like he blamed me for a lot but I never had the guts to ask. He loved Jimin. Jimin was his best friend just as much as he was mine and sometimes I'd wonder why he made more of an effort to communicate with Jimin than he did to communicate with me.

Even though I rarely reached out to him and even though I had no idea what trauma he held I was grateful for him. I wish I would've reached out to him, I know it probably wouldn't have made any difference but I just wish I would've asked if he was okay.

I know what happened had to happen in order for them to live, even if they both live through you now. I was reluctant to welcome you because the thought of starting all over scared me. The thought of having to learn you scared me. But I know that that's not the case for us.

You know me just as well as V and Minseok did and I know you. You may have a different name, you may look different in the inner world, you may not have V's edge or Minseok's timidness but you are just as much apart of me and the system and I'm so sorry for not welcoming you with open arms.

I was scared, Vic.

For so many years I would dream of a life where it was just me, myself and I. I'd wonder constantly why I had to be 'cursed' with this disorder. Why I wasn't the one my father chose to take from my mother instead of my brother. Why was I cursed to live a life as me, myself, and them?