My Forever

Chapter Thirty-eight: Stupid Nanny McPhee ideology

Song: Half A Man by Dean Lewis

Chapter Thirty-eight: Stupid Nanny McPhee ideology

A few minutes after I got home, Reveka was already pestering me about details of my day with Zane. I tried to lie to her so she won't pester me, but she said when she got here, Skyler was on my bed ranting about how she had him in her claws, so she kinda figured it out. She said Skyler refused to leave until I got there so she could personally 'deal' with me.

Not psychotic at all.

"I'm in love!" Reveka yelled.

"I don't think you said that correctly." I gave her a weird look.

"I'm pretty sure I said that correctly."

I arched a brow. "Aren't I the one in love?"

"Yeah, but I'm in love with love." She said in a 'duh' tone. "I mean, he read to you? That's so romantic."

The resting my head on his lap was romantic. For me though. I don't think he thought about it that way. But the reading- apart from me watching the way his beautiful pink lips pronounced the words- not so much.

"Not really. Dad read to me."

"Yeah, but Bruny's Bruny and That guy is That guy."

I gave her a small smile. "I guess you can't call him dad anymore."

She crossed her arms. "Not after what he did."

I gestured with my hands. "But doesn't it kill you to have all this pent up anger?" It killed me to be so angry all the time. I guess not everyone's like that. I held unto the anger for two years straight. Seeing him again was supposed to strengthen the anger, but it made me feel weaker instead. It finally sunk in that he wasn't with us anymore. His new family helped me see that. And if I was going to be angry, it meant I'll be angry for the rest of my life.

"It's not pent-up. I'm pretty sure I'm releasing and showing it in every way I can."

"Reveka..."

She scrunched her nose up. "Do not tell me that you forgive him."

"I don't. I just don't want to be angry anymore. It takes away all my strength." I sighed.

"Well, then we must be different because my anger seems to make me stronger."

"Reveka..."

"What?"

"I didn't say you should forgive him, Rev, but snapping at him every time he says a word to you doesn't help."

"It makes him regret what he did."

"Regret? He has a new family. A better paying job he got because of his wife. A mad ass house that costs a goddamn lot. Do you think he regrets anything?"

"That doesn't make me feel better."

I realized I was releasing my own anger instead of helping her get over hers. I tried to correct myself. "What I'm saying is, if he could still go back he'd do the same thing. But then, he'd actually say goodbye to us. He loves mum and he loves us. I know that. Love like that doesn't just disappear."

"But it wasn't strong enough that he replaced it with money and a picture-perfect family, was it?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but I had nothing to say. She was right. I wasn't trying to defend him, I was trying to make her get rid of her anger. I wanted to tell her what mum told me about the summer he left, she deserved to know, but maybe that's a story for another day.