Live Through This/ Liam Gallagher

CHAPTER FIFTY

I stood there, staring blankly at him for a second, unsure of what to say or how to react, looking at the ring in the box. Liam doesn't say anything either, until a few minutes pass and he says "I think the shock should've settled in by now. So I'm going to continue."

"Avery. We've been doing this on and off for what? Nearly four years now. And my mind is always on you. There's only one woman I crave with my entire fucking brain and it's you." He muses, beginning to stand up.

"Don't you think it's time we stop playing around? Finally settle down." He muses, kissing my cheek gently.

He doesn't exactly wait for an answer and plucks the ring out of the box and examines my hand happily before sliding the ring onto it. "Picked it out myself, cost me a pretty penny. I hope you like it."

"Liam, you didn't even let me answer." I say quietly, now fixated on my hand.

"Is your answer the same?" He grins cheekily, the same playful smirk across his face.

I didn't know. Especially with him still being married and having two kids, and being scared knowing how little commitment there had been between him and Patsy. I didn't want to be fucking replaced or cheated on, nothing like that.

"Liam, I-" I begin to say, trying to voice my concerns

He looks up at me, looking as if he'd been punched in the gut. As if he'd just poured his heart out. In reality, it felt like he'd just repeated the same things I'd been hearing him say for years.

"Oh." He trails off, backing up a bit, taking all of me into view. "Is it because of that bloke you're seeing?" He asks

I shake my head no. God no. Matt would never be competition for Liam, but I couldn't just leave him, not now. I'd feel terribly bad about it, knowing how I would've led him on. He didn't deserve that.

"No. It's not Matt. It's you." I say

"What do you mean?" Liam asks, tensing up a bit.

"I mean, Liam, I'm scared. You cheated on Patsy, won't talk to your daughter, and I don't want the same thing for me." I admit, raising my hands defensively.

"I do that all for you!" He exclaims

"For me? That doesn't mean you wouldn't do the same for someone else!" I yell.

"You're the only person I've never cheated on, Birdie. You're the only woman I've ever loved enough, ever wanted to spend my fucking life with. Please, you've got to listen to me."

I lean against the wall, pressing my hands to my head, frustrated with everything going on. Not saying anything, and ignoring Liam's babbling.

"Enough!" I finally yell.

He gets quiet, looking at me, a more angered expression on his face than what I'd thought would've been there.

"Liam. Get divorced. Stay off of a woman's back, then maybe just maybe we could do this again. But I am NOT a side chick, I am not going to hide being engaged while you fucking romp around.

I agreed to come here for the night. Not for you to spring your hearts desires on me at the wrong time and the wrong place."

Looking down at my hand, I pull the ring off my finger and place it in the palm of his hand. "I'm flattered Liam. Had the circumstances been different. Maybe. Just maybe I would've said yes."

That was a lie. We would've been down the aisle by now.

He bites his lip, closing his hand and going to put the ring back in its box and as he does it he says "Why are you with him?" Anger evident in his voice.

"This has nothing to do with Matt. It has everything to do with you not committing to any other relationship." I say, exasperated by the fact he couldn't understand it had nothing to do with the fact that Matt was there.

"And I've told you, you're the one I love! You're the only one I've never cheated on." He scowls. "What more do you want from me?"

"I want trust. And before you interrupt me, let me just say no. we don't have it."

"Yes! We do!" Liam runs up to me, pressing a kiss to my lips and says "You're the only one I want to have around. I swear."

Pushing off of his grasp, I stare at him blankly, wanting to let him continue, let him persuade me to believe otherwise.

But I couldn't.

"No. Liam. You aren't true to anyone but yourself and I'm not going to waste my time believing otherwise."

"I just need time-"

"For what? People don't change Liam!" I yell

"To get everything in order.. I've been talking to my lawyer about it."

Was he actually planning on getting divorce? Or was it once again, just him talking about what he wanted to do?

"Are you being serious?" I ask

"Why would I fucking joke around?" He asks angrily. "It seems like you're the one not ready, not the other way around."

"Liam that's neither true or fair." I sigh.

"Then believe me. Tell me you fucking trust me and my intentions.. Avery I just want you. Not some other girl. I want you all to myself, I want us together. I want us to have a family."

The last bit freaked me out a bit, as I still did things proper adults with children weren't supposed to do.

I was still maturing on my own, no where near the place I needed to be, and it wasn't going to ever be my goal to be like Courtney, taking my children to bars and such, allowing them to hear rumors and whispers about others.

"Liam, look."

The tables had turned I was the one who needed time for once.

"I'm proud of you. You're maturing. Making the right decisions. But you've got to understand that I need time to do the same. Okay? You can't spring this shit on people randomly. It freaks me out."

I can't read his expression, but it isn't an angry one at all. He's calmed down.

"Birdie. Shit. I'm sorry. This was all a fucking mistake. I just, I'm just, really unhappy without you around."

I frown.

"And I saw you, and I, just well ran with the idea that it was a great to chance to do what I wanted to do for years."

"For years?" I ask softly, feeling bad.

He nods his head and says "It's been the endgame for awhile now darling."

This just made me feel guilty, I was staying with someone to practically make them happy, while someone else was dying, ready to crack and spill his emotions out all over the pavement.

"Liam. I love you."

"I know. You just need time." He grins, coming closer, pulling me into his arms gently and then says "You'll be mine someday. I can feel it Birdie."

And I could too.

Behind my mirrors of doubt, I could feel it, way better than ever before.