Owari no Oneshots (Gureshin)

Morphine

Some heavy Gureshin angst. I'm so sorry...

TW!! Suicide/needles/blood

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"What does it mean then? What does it mean Shinya?"

"It means...it means..."

"Spit it out man. Come on. Why are you doing this?"

"I-I'm doing this because I love you Guren."

The memory quickly cut out.

The water around him tasted irony. His eyes were closed, but he knew the sight was pretty horrific.

It was hard finding a reason to live in this devastating world of theirs'.

But he found Guren. Guren his light, his best friend, his divine love.

Guren made him cling to life. If life meant being beside Guren, so be it.

But Guren aside, it was hard living. It was hard to live with a traumatic past let alone experiencing new trauma everyday. Morphine could only numb so much. Everyday Shinya shot himself up with the drug. Everyday became every few hours until it had completely lost its affect.

His demonic powers had grown immune to the drug. Shinya no longer felt numb. He felt everything. Every painstaking detail. It was horrendous, but he lived with it. He lived with the pain for Guren.

"Guren." Shinya spoke as the two patrolled, from a skyscraper, on a mission. "Yeah Shinya?" Guren had responded. "If you ever die, I will off myself okay?" Guren didn't respond for a few minutes. "Aren't you going to tell me how stupid I am for saying that?" Shinya asked. "Yes," Guren looked hurt. "Quit being stupid. Focus on the mission idiot." Was all he responded with.

The was no room for romance in a world like their's. Their world was kill or be killed. There was no time for falling in love.

What a taboo idea love was.

But Shinya couldn't help falling for his best friend. Cutting had already gone so far. Anytime he was injured the wounds healed within seconds. At that point Shinya was just stabbing himself with his bayonet just to feel something. Just to feel the release.

Byakkomaru would go ballistic when Shinya was in his episodes. He called it 'Total Human Despair'. He could not comprehend why Shinya wanted to die so bad. He asked Shinya to peacefully hand over his body if he decided he wanted to die, but Shinya didn't like the thought of endangering any more people after his death. So every time he told Byakkormaru: "No, you will die with me.". "Bullshit-" Byakomaru would go to argue back but Shinya would block his voice out.

Soon Shinya started taking demon inhibitor drugs. It wouldn't completely take away his demonic powers, but it minimized them very well. Shinya was able to use his morphine again. It was a gift from god. The morphine got rid of the pain on the outside as well as the pain within.

When he was doped up, nothing hurt anymore. He was just there. He just existed without a feeling or thought. But the high would quickly wear out. Shinya would be dragged back to the pain and suffering of reality.

"How long has this been going on?" Guren asked completely serious, almost a little threatening.

"What do you mean-" "You know what I fucking mean. What the hell is all this!?" Guren asked shoving the box of used syringes and morphine bottles in Shinya's face. "Oh dear how'd this get there?" Shinya sleepily cooed. "Why are you doing this Shinya?" Guren looked extremely worried.

"Because I have to Guren. I have to." "What's the meaning!? What does it mean? What does it mean Shinya?" He begged for an answer as Shinya slipped into unconsciousness.

"It means...it means..." Shinya was slowly losing consciousness.

"Spit it out man. Come on. Why are you doing this?" Guren begged.

"I-I'm doing this because I love you Guren." Shinya spoke before he lost consciousness.

After that Guren had gotten him help. Shinya was overcoming his addiction. He was on the path to recovery. But good things only last so long.

The catalyst was the return of Mahiru through her demonic form. Suddenly all the pain of Shinya's past was back in front of him, fresh and painful as ever. Guren had plans beyond Shinya's understanding. Guren was hiding everything from Shinya. Shinya had been lied to too much.

Guren felt nothing for him. Shinya believed that was the case.

No matter how many times Guren double crossed him Shinya was always there for him with a stupid smile plastered on his face.

But not now. There was no smile in the scarlet bathwater. There was only pain and emptiness. There was only total human despair. And he could feel it leave him through the many gaping cuts going vertically down his arms and wrists.

The demon inhibitors had only done so much. His blood vessels were trying their best to reconnect and heal themselves, but it didn't help that Shinya was greedily inhaling the bloody bathwater.

He wanted to die. He didn't like the pain of life.

He opened his eyes one last time to see a figure above him, through the red haze. A figure he knew well. A figure he loved unconditionally.

Then the panic hit. It was a mistake. Regret filled his whole body in the last seconds of consciousness. Guren Ichinose the man he loved. Norito Goshi, Mito Jujo, Sayuri Hanayori, and Shigure Yukimi-his family. He was leaving his family.

He wanted to take it back. He wanted to have the video game tournament Mito ranted and raved about for months. He wanted to eat Sayuri's delicious food again. He wanted to make dirty jokes with Norito. He wanted to discuss assassin weaponry with Shigure. He want to kiss the man he loved, but it was too late now.

Byakkomaru was binded by chains, roaring in desperation at Shinya from within. There was nothing he could do.

Shinya's eyes closed just as Guren yanked his naked body from the bloody water.

"God-no-no-no-no-no-no-" Guren said in disbelief as he gently set Shinya against the tile of the bathroom floor. He quickly started chest compressions. "Please Shinya! Please you can't die-Ahhh!!-" Guren sobbed uncontrollably, as he tried his best to save his best friend.

"Please you can't do this to me again you idiot-" Guren wept as tears blurred his vision. He was shaking. He was having a panic attack, but he powered through to attempt to save Shinya.

He grabbed Shinya's pale lifeless face, and quickly opened his airway before registering two rescue breaths. He watched as each breath filled Shinya's lungs. What he'd give to have Shinya breathing on his own again.

He continued to vainly give CPR for the next twenty minutes. It was obvious Shinya was dead, but Guren didn't want to believe it.

'Guren stop. He's gone.' Mahiru spoke. But he couldn't accept it. It was as if something in his head broke.

"Shinya's okay. He's okay. I'll see him tomorrow. He's okay. He's okay. He's okay." Guren repeated to himself for hours.

Even when his friend's found them he couldn't stop repeating the mantra.

He couldn't let go of Shinya's cold bloodied hand.

He couldn't believe it. He refused to believe all his efforts had been in vain. He lost himself to it.