tryst [sequel] // h.s

39

And I know we weren't perfect, but I've never felt this way for no one, oh
And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone
I guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me
'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

song: driver's license by Olivia Rodrigo

(a/n: not meant to be played while reading)

Chapter thirty nine

Zara

''Come on, Zee, you can do it.''

I tighten my hands on the wheel as I inhale a deep breath, still parked on the side of the lane where it is completely prohibited to even stop. I've also gotten a few stares, angry honking from other drivers but I'm much too overwhelmed to react.

''It's just a stupid house, on a stupid street and he's not even there.'' I try to convince myself but as soon as the words come out of my mouth, I'm shaking. ''Okay, maybe don't even bring him into thought.''

My knuckles turn white from the pressure which I am holding the wheel and I release all of the air contained in my chest with a loud sigh.

''I've been parked here for ten minutes and I can't leave my car here, passing by his house is inevitable, I'm gonna have to do it, either walking or driving and if I want to drive I have to get my shit together.''

I've been talking to myself for a few minutes as it seems to be the only way I can avoid getting lost in my thoughts.

''Calm down, it's a stupid house...that doesn't mean anything to you and it can't hurt you, stupid house.''

I feel like I'm losing my mind but it's effective to calm me down. I should have let Cassie drive me here but I wanted to prove myself that I can do it, which I haven't been able to but it's part of the process.

I'm supposed to be at Isla's office in less than five minutes and I'm two minutes away but in order to get there, I have to drive past Harry's house, which has been my biggest challenge so far.

It's the main lane of Hampstead and I was pretty much on pilot mode on my head, driving where I needed to go until I reached the foliage on the side of the road and I remembered his house was by this street so I had to stop on the side.

You're not supposed to stop but other than a couple of nasty looks and a few aggressive honks, I haven't encountered an officer. Not that it's of any relief and I should probably leave soon but I feel my heart racing so it makes it harder.

I don't want to drive when I'm feeling like this but it's not like I can ditch my car here and go walking, I've already overstayed my welcome on the side of the street so I can't remain here for much longer.

So I gather the smallest amount of courage I have left and I turn on the ignition on the left side of the wheel and I look ahead of me before sneaking a look to the rearview and the side mirrors.

''It'll be over before you know it, then you can cry all you want.'' I try to cheer myself up but I'm a ticking bomb and it won't be long until I get the urge to cry.

So I turn the key on the ignition and I let it sit for a while before I pull down the hand brake and I check there's no one on the road, so I can finally get to the street but as soon as my car is in motion a One Direction song comes on the radio.

''Oh for the love of God.'' I slam my hand on the console and it immediately turns it off and I'm met with silence once more.

These past three days have been the absolute shit, and I've cried much more than what I'm used to, which is already quite a lot but I wasn't ready for my world to change so suddenly.