tryst [sequel] // h.s

31

When you lay there and you're sleepin'
Hear the patterns of your breathin'
And I tell you things you've never heard before
Asking questions to the ceilin'
Never knowing what you're thinkin'
I'm afraid that what we had is gone

Then I think of the start
And it echoes a spark
And I remember the magic electricity
Then I look in my heart
There's a light in the dark
Still a flicker of hope that you first gave to me
That I wanna keep
Please don't leave
Please don't leave

song: flicker by Niall Horan

(a/n: not meant to be played while reading)

Chapter thirty one

Harry

I knew I shouldn't have let Zara leave for that dinner.

I miss her like hell and I'm starting to get clingy. I already sent her more than fifteen text messages and I know she must be laughing at me right now because she saw them all and not replying but I want her back as soon as I can.

She's been limiting her time with me because she wants to be careful and not fall back into old habits and stuff but I have been needing time with her, even more during this time of year because a year ago, around this same date, she left me.

She left me with no explanation whatsoever and that left a scar on me, which doesn't justify all the fucked up shit I made her go through and the person I became because of it. I wasn't in a good place, and I'm not proud of the things I did but she forgave me and I forgave her, that's what truly matters.

That won't happen this year.

Unlike a year before we are not keeping secrets from each other anymore and she has been very open about her thoughts with me, coursing me through everything going on inside her mind but sometimes she doesn't even get it herself so it's quite difficult for me to understand but at least I try.

There's no way for us to happen if she doesn't share her deepest thoughts with me. On the other side, I have my inner demons as well but those don't matter until Zara and I are on good terms.

She's the most important thing in my life, my family and my work being runner-ups for the spot but nothing compares to Zara.

Never in my life I would have thought I'd be as in love as I am with her, she's unique, precious, and perfect and there's nothing that will take her away from me right now. We have come a long way and our relationship is finally good, I won't let anything ruin it.

I'm afraid of losing her, that's no lie but I try hard for us to work and manage within our circumstances to let anything come in between us.

I do my best to give her the most of what we are allowed to have, even if she deserves the world and is settling for the lowest she could get. I'm scared that one day she'll wake up and realize this is not enough because it's very clear to me that it's not.

That's the main reason why I do everything that I do because I love her and I don't want to lose her. I don't ever want her to feel like I take her for granted because that couldn't be further from the truth.

I'm frightened to screw up and set foot in the wrong direction, or simply her realizing that there's not much more to see from me, that I'm not interesting enough, or that she could get bored of being with me.

It haunts me, sometimes it doesn't let me sleep properly because what if I'm not enough?

I don't want to sound dramatic but I don't think I could overcome another breakup from her. Our story is far too complicated for me to simply move on and start over because at this point in my life, even if I'm only twenty years old, I don't see myself with another person.