tryst [sequel] // h.s

64

[This is part of a double update so if you haven't read that one be sure to do it so you understand this one ]

tw: brief but graphic description of miscarriage, dark thoughts, and anxious feelings

Chapter sixty four

Harry

I get to see my baby today.

Two long, dreadful, and miserable weeks without Zara have taught me a life lesson, that I can't keep on disappointing her the way I have been doing so far and things will change from this point forward.

It broke my heart how she asked me to come back home and that I had to deny her this time. I didn't want to let her down but it was impossible for me to even ask my managers because I had left already.

Had I had a clear chance I would have taken it as soon as she told me she had bought the tickets but the thing is, the boys and I made a decision which is crucial and probably one of the breaking points of our careers so we can't risk anything.

I can't wait to tell Zara that my contract with management and the whole One Direction franchise is ending, which makes me a bit sad but the most important thing, that we get to properly date as soon as the contract is done and that this entire circus is ending soon.

We have initially stated what we will call a hiatus, we still don't know how everything will play out and it's supposed to be a break from this but I'm not positive about us getting back together soon after, at least not under the One Direction name.

I had time to process this and make some decisions I want to consult with my girlfriend, and I'm so thankful to have her by my side while this is happening because she knows exactly what it feels like to leave this management and practically start from zero.

This may come as a shocker to her but I know she will understand and fully support me because it is for the greater good and we are finally getting the freedom to do as we please.

I have loved my time in the band with the rest of the boys but we all collectively decided this is for the best and that this is harming us more than bringing us joy. Ever since Zayn left, things haven't felt the same and we are doing one more album because it's in the contract but it doesn't feel the same way.

His departure from the band affected us tremendously, mainly because he was the first one to admit someone was wrong and put his health and personal life, which was something the rest of us have not been acknowledging in a long time.

The thought of not doing this anymore is giving me anxiety, which is the reason why I need Zara the most, she will understand me more than anyone in the world could ever because not even the boys can relate to this, even when we find ourselves in the same situation.

She knows what to do, how to proceed, who to talk to, and how to handle a solo career mostly.

I still don't know if I want to do anything with mine, there are a few projects I'd like to try but the main thing I want is to relax and spend time with her, something that should have happened a long time ago.

To even think of not seeing the boys daily, touring, and being on my own scares me to no end because I haven't known any better since I started singing, all of us together.

One of the main reasons I went to New York last week was because of this too, I had a meeting with Jeffrey and his team back in the US and we discussed a few things I needed to know before we came to the decision with the rest of the boys.

There is nothing set in stone yet, but I like to prepare everything for when the disaster happens because I know the reaction most likely won't be good, at least from the fans.