tryst [sequel] // h.s

10

So you're not my girlfriend
Don't pretend that makes us nothing
Tell me you don't miss this feeling
I'm starting to see who you are

'Cause there's a time, there's a place
And I'm always gonna hear your name
There's a right, there's a wrong
And now I see that all along
I messed up, you'll be fine
I'm going to sleep alone tonight
Never gonna be the same, 'cause you're half the world away

song: half the world away by One Direction (unreleased)

Chapter ten

Harry

I feel like a loser.

Never in my life would I have thought I would become this and it's because of her.

How can someone so lost and confused be a sort of lighthouse for another person? She feels like that for me, a lighthouse. Guiding me through a dark place and I almost sunk before I could even reach destiny.

In her own way of saving herself, she saved me. It made me realize who I don't want to be and what I don't want to become.

I don't like the person that I am right now but I was much worse.

This year has been an absolute travesty. I knew I'd be miserable from the moment she left me but I never expected it to be this hard to get it through. I have been playing it off fine, joking around, messing around, and sleeping around but I don't want to anymore.

I need something real but I don't think she'll be the one to fulfill my dreams, as much as I want her to be, she has made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to see me, and this time she meant it.

I know that look in her eyes, although I've seen it very few times, there's determination behind those greeny-blue eyes. The moment she told me that she was going on tour, had the same level of commitment to when she said she's done with me, for good.

That, or she's a pretty darn good actress.

But she's not lying, she means this. The times we've said this is over where five at least but this last one is different. I have a bad feeling inside me and I can't help but get scared at the thought of it.

The thought of her not talking to me ever again is probably the scariest thing in the world to me. She needs me and she doesn't want to need me but I've started to realize that I need her as well, and I have no problem in saying it out loud.

I'm a sucker for anything she does, says, or wants. Once she told me I glorified her too much, way before we even got together and I can't help but agree with her. In my eyes she is perfect. In the eyes of the world, she's perfect but four years of knowing her have taught me that I can never be inside her mind.

And how much I'd love to be able to do that. I want to know the way her head works because it's probably a frightening place. It took me so much time to actually tore that perfect image of her and realize she's not who I want her to be but she's not who she wants to be in the first place.

She needs time and help, something I wish I could have realized sooner.

In a way, I just thought she was playing games and being confused but it's something much more meaningful than that, something even darker than what she lets out. A broken girl that has been betrayed so many times to let herself feel something real.

She's getting better, though. When she saw that nasty ass bruise I had on my neck I thought she would actually throw up, she went pale for about thirty seconds, and then she didn't talk for two minutes. She just remained still, staring at it and letting her mind wander while I tried getting her out of her own head but it was impossible.