tryst [sequel] // h.s

17

Chapter seventeen

Zara

I'm a shitty liar.

''...in conclusion, I feel so fu-freaking guilty...it's like I'm about to explode.'' I explain to Isla and she lets out a contained chuckle, always maintaining her composure very professional but I'm corrupting her and she's warming up to me.

''Darling, take the easy way out.'' I furrow both my eyebrows in a tight frown and she sighs. ''Tell him the truth, everything's gonna be okay and he'll understand.''

Oh, will he?

I've kept this for a week and even if everyone's telling me it's not even that important, they don't know Harry, not like I do.

He's the sweetest, most understanding person in the whole wide world. He's kind like no other and he's incredibly selfless. Harry is genuinely a good person and he's nice, smart, funny, and one of the people I admire the most.

There's nothing bad you could say about him, but boy isn't he jealous.

The biggest fights we had between us always involved his jealousy around me and I get it, I'm not the most emotionally trustworthy person on the planet but I don't give him reasons to be jealous.

I've never given him any motive to be doubtful about my loyalty or my commitment to this relationship but somehow he doesn't trust me, or at least he didn't in the past, much at least. And I should trust that he has changed but I'm scared.

It's impossible to keep living like this though, it's a little white lie but it's slowly eating me from the inside and making me feel incredibly guilty.

''I don't know about that.'' I tell my therapist and she sighs.

''You said he was different, you should trust that, darling. I agree with what he said, communication is key and we both know you need to do a lot of talking.'' She points out and I slowly nod.

''But I can't simply let him know all my thoughts, he's gonna think I'm crazy.'' I tell her and she lets out a chuckle, making me give her a look.

''Zara, if I, your therapist, don't think you're crazy, I doubt he'd ever think that of you.'' Isla explains and I let out a breath.

''I just do a lot of thinking and it's scary to think how far my mind can go and maybe he doesn't want to deal with all of that. I don't want to be a burden, you know?'' I play with the rings on my fingers as I avoid looking at her.

''You are no burden, darling.'' I know she's trying to cheer me up but I feel like she's just saying that. ''I mean it. Just because you have a lot on your plate right now doesn't make you any less. We all deal with our problems but you shouldn't let your fears dominate what you do.''

''I'm scared that all of this goes to the trash and that I get stuck again.'' I confess and she writes down on her notepad. ''I don't want to get myself lost, not when I feel like I'm finally feeling better.''

''I have to tell you this...'' Her tone changes to a more serious one and I nod, focusing on her through the screen of my laptop. ''From what I've gathered on our sessions, I can somewhat tell you how we got here and the first aspect I noticed from you, it's how hard it's to communicate your feelings to others, not to me, though.''

''Yeah, I know that.''

''I'll put this more simply.'' She clears her throat as I expectantly wait for her. ''What got you into this mess, was your lack of communication with your partner. Not everything revolves around Harry of course, but you've told me yourself that you felt like you could have handled things a better way, when you broke up.''