tryst [sequel] // h.s

08

Why do I feel like I'm drowning
Like I'm running out of air, ah
Why do I feel like I'm falling
When I'm nowhere near the edge, ah

Just let me know
Can you be the one to hold and not let me go?
I need to know
Could you be the one to call when I lose control?

song: lose control by Meduza, Becky Hill, Gooodboys

(a/n: not meant to be played while reading;

there are many flashbacks and it goes back and forth, italics means flashback)

Chapter eight

Zara

''I had sex with Harry.'' My voice shakes as well as the rest of my body starts trembling and Isla drops her pen, raising her gaze to properly look up at me as she puts her glasses down.

''I'm sorry, what?'' She asks a bit gobsmacked by my sudden confession. This is the second time we are meeting up and I'm already screwing up.

She told me not to see him and I did it anyway because I'm stupid, and weak and terrible at controlling my emotions but he's no better.

I spent the entire week just fine, minus the little mental breakdown I had on the night after my first therapy session, everything was fine, chill, dandy.

I woke up every day, meditated for like three minutes every morning - because that's the most I can get my anxious self to concentrate - before eating a well-balanced breakfast, so then I could go to the studio and slowly finish a couple of arrangements I had in mind for future songs. Then I had meetings relating to the upcoming concerts and everything was going rather smoothly.

Taking care of Cookie was easy and he was great support those days that I spent alone in my flat. He's such a good dog and an amazing listener. The good thing is that he didn't judge, only tilted his head to the side curious as to why I had tears at the same time every day but he never left, he comforted me.

Thursday came and so did Cassie and along with Anna they were so thrilled about Saint Barth's that they got me very excited to go someday as well. Not like them, that they had the cutest and most romantic escapade ever. I'll probably die alone at this point.

But when they came home, incredibly tanned and both of them looking like goddesses they invited me to their home so they could tell me all about it. We had a nice lunch and I brought Cookie along so he could be home as well but then the moment of leaving came and it was awful.

I took care of the dog for a bit over ten days and I almost had a meltdown when I had to leave him. He started whining and I shed a few tears as well while both Cassie and Anna looked at us sitting on the floor as he hopped on me, begging me to play and not leave and that's when I cried a shit ton; even more.

I have separation issues, what did you expect?

It's an actual thing, I looked it up. It's called SAD and it stands for Separation Anxiety Disorder. I made sure to write it down on my phone so I could ask Isla on my next visit but today we have much more important issues.

On Friday, Lex and I had a bit of a road trip back to our hometown. Thankfully he offered to drive most of the time but it's a bit over a three-hour ride so we swapped a couple of times, the time I didn't spend driving we blasted Bryan Adams through the speakers. He wasn't much of a fan but I had a great time.