tryst [sequel] // h.s

33

Chapter thirty three

Zara

Harry left for New York.

I can't complain, I said I needed space and he's giving it to me but I never meant actual distance, as in 5500 kilometers away from me but there's not much I can do.

A week ago it was when I last saw him, when he dropped me off at Isla's, and ever since then, I haven't seen him. We have been actively texting one another almost every day but I wasn't ready for this change.

I wasn't ready to find out that he had been lying to me for months and this is confusing me even more.

I know he doesn't want to pressure me and I appreciate it but a little heads up would have been nice.

Imagine my surprise when we were texting back and forth and I said how sorry I was for everything I said and did on that night and his reply doesn't get through until 14 hours after when I see candid pictures of him arriving at JFK.

And the funniest thing was that I found out from the news, he didn't acknowledge that tiny little detail and it bothered me.

I don't want to sound crazy, because I know there's a bit of irrationality behind my thought but I thought that he would at least tell me about this? He never even mentioned a trip to New York to me and now he is just taking a few strolls around the city with his friends.

I'm not the biggest fan of the city and he knows that but it leaves me thinking because it makes me feel like I'm somewhat restricting him from doing what he pleases due to the current status of our hidden relationship and the restrictions that come behind it.

In normal circumstances, I know he'd spend time with me, just the two of us doing nothing is one of the best plans for him and I know because he has told me before. However, this is his free time we are talking about.

I don't want to tie him into being with me just staying at home because it's the only thing we can do. I have never restricted him from going places on hanging out with other people when we could have spent that time together, I've never done it and I don't plan on starting now.

But what if he feels like it has to be that way? More than quite a few times he has implied that we ditch plans to just hang out with each other and as much as I love the idea and spending the most time as I can with him, I encourage the opposite.

Not because I don't want to - I'd love to but I don't want to be one of those couples that spend every single second they have free together. That's not how a healthy relationship works and I love my independence.

Besides, as much as we try to sugarcoat it, this is all we've got.

He is going to be gone most of next year and I know there are very low possibilities of me joining him on tour. Last year was catastrophic for me and my mental health and I have to prioritize it.

I don't like pondering my mental health alongside my relationship but sometimes I can't help it. I know that in order to make my relationship with Harry work, I have to be in the proper state of mind and therefore everything will sort itself out. In the end, one balances the other out.

He hasn't addressed the fact that he is not in London and much less in the same continent as I am, I know because it's been all over the news. He doesn't have to give me justifications but I would have liked to know.

This just makes me think how he might be missing events or invitations just to be with me. I don't want him to put his life on hold just to make me happy but I don't understand why he hasn't said anything to me.