tryst [sequel] // h.s

07

I never thought that I would find out
We were just lovers in the dark
You've known someone for a long time
But you never really know who they are
It feels like it was only last week
I was tripping right into your heart
If we're not gonna do this honestly
Baby, won't ya give me back what you took apart

I'm tryna get over you

song: arms of a stranger by Niall Horan

(a/n: not meant to be played while reading)

Chapter seven

Harry

I hate my life.

How can someone revolve another person so much? So much that I feel like I've got nothing. Because I feel miserable and I probably deserve it but why does it have to be this way? I'm not trying to be dramatic here but she took a piece of me when she left.

No matter how much I try to piece back the puzzle together, looking for an explanation and I finally got it but she left me. She was the one that wanted things to end, I never wanted this. I thought that we were fine, I actually did.

I'm repetitive, I know. But I'm trying to figure this out and it's been six months since then, still no explanation. She was happy, she was actually happy with me, she said it herself and yeah, I get it that she needs to find it on her own but she could have talked to me about it.

We were supposed to be a couple, I insisted on her telling me what's going on inside her head but she didn't listen to me. Instead, she just let whatever her demons told her to guide her decisions and she didn't think about me, not even for a second.

I've tried making my peace with it and for a split second I'm glad she's putting herself first, she deserves it and I don't deserve her. Not after all the bullshit I've put her through but I want her to understand me but I haven't been upfront with her either.

Fighting seems easier than actually sitting down and talking.

But how can you expect us to have a proper conversation when she's looking at me with those eyes, that smile, the way she tucks her hair behind her shoulder and when she mindlessly blows the little hairs of her longing bangs. It's impossible

We cave in to each other and we both need from one another and perhaps that's where the problem lays. She needs me and she doesn't want to need me, I get that now but I'm selfish enough to let her believe that she needs me because I'm scared.

The moment she realizes I'm not worth it, everything's gone. She's way too good for anyone and no one will probably be a hundred percent deserving of her but I thought that after all these years, I could be worthy of something so precious and beautiful as her. I guess I was just wrong.

And I'm an asshole, I deserve the way she constantly pushes me away but I love her. In my own twisted and weird way, I do the things that I do for love but she's right, I'm angry at her too.

I'm in this constant battle in my own head because I don't want to be away from her but being near her hurts me, I don't know which one is worse but I need to get over her. This is not good, she said it herself how our relationship is not doing us any good, and much to my dismay I have to agree.

Everything happened so suddenly, so unexpected and even if I can't be angry at her for trying to find herself in all of this mess, I have a right to get mad at the way she handled things.