tryst [sequel] // h.s

12

Your secret tattoo, the way you change moods
The songs that you sing when you're all alone
Your favorite band, and the way that you dance
But baby, baby

Does he know that you'll never go back?

x

I'm selfish, I know
But I don't ever want to see you with him
I'm selfish, I know
I told you, but I know you never listen

I hope you can see the shape that I'm in
While he's touching your skin
He's right where I should, where I should be
But you're making me bleed

Songs:does he know by One Direction and woman by Harry Styles

Chapter twelve

Harry

I'm positive about the fact that Zayn hates me.

He found out that Zara left with me on the day of the wedding and he made it pretty clear how disgusted he was with that and that's because he doesn't know that we fucked. I'd be a dead man by now if he even knew but I won't be the one to rat myself out and I don't believe she's gonna share it with her brother.

These past weeks only turned worse and worse for me. I was already feeling down before starting the North American leg of the tour and everything went down the hill. Even more.

I acceded into this downright spiral, never-ending, never stopping, and only getting lower. It started with the rumors of her dating someone else, then I heard the album which was incredibly hard and painful.

Her angelic voice was raspier, and higher somehow. I've heard her singing countless and millions of times but this was so much different. There was emotion behind the song, so much love, dedication, and hard work behind the album, and the fact that she did it by herself is mindblowing.

She did it on her own, her name is in every song and she has rights to every track. She made it by herself and that's so admirable and something to take pride in. For me, writing a song is a task I could consider easy, I do it all the time but writing a whole entire album seems so far away from me and even the thought is scary. I don't think I could ever pull it off all on my own but she did it.

And I'm so fucking proud of her.

But it hurt

It hurt so badly because she wasn't alright and that showed. The lyrics and the melodies were devastating, a cry for help indeed and she finally got it, by herself. All she wanted was forgiveness from me and that album was a love letter.

Perhaps more like a breakup letter. An entire journey, from the first kiss we ever shared to the last touch we had and everything in between. In her songs, she talks about trust and how she blindly gave it away for me to never return it and that was eye-opening for me.

As hard as it was, I needed it. A wakeup call I should have had sooner and it was right there. In front of me, waiting to be heard and in a way, I did the same with her. I didn't hear her, her side, her mind, choosing to be foolishly stubborn just to shield myself when I should have been there for her.

Now it feels like it's too late, I have everything against me and I handled things badly, so bad that she doesn't want me near her and I can't blame her. She's protecting herself, putting herself first and as much as it pains that it's against me, I can see a change in her.

Right after the rumors of her seeing someone, there were pictures of her with him in a park down in London and that killed me. It kills me because I will never be able to give her that. I'm not gonna be able to hold her hand in public, go out on dates to the park, the beach, or anything.