Family Comes First- ASOUE

Chapter 62: Tour-mented

*Klaus' POV*

"I feel like we've been sitting on this bench for hours..." Violet complained. I checked the clock on a nearby wall.

"It's been three minutes."

"Well, it feels like an hour!"

"It's that stupid violin music..." I said.

"If you can call it 'music'." Izzie added.

"I sure wouldn't..." Duncan commented.

"We've been tormented by treachery..."

"Villainy..."

"A hurricane..."

"Child labor."

That fucking violin..."

"Newcatie!"

I smiled softly. "Well I guess the new school hasn't tormented us yet..."

Seemingly on cue, a girl in a poofy, pink dress scurried up to us, her shoes making tapping noises as she walked. "Hello, Cakesniffers!" She greeted us. We stood wearily.

"Hello, um-" Violet began, but the girl cut her off.

"'Um', 'um'," she mocked. "Are you a blithering idiot? Everyone knows I'm Carmelita Spats!"

"Well, Carmelita," Duncan said with an aggressive tone, "I'd appreciate it if you apologized for calling my friend an idiot. She's the farthest thing from an idiot, which I'm going to assume can't be said for you."

Carmelita glared at him. "What do you mean 'assume'? And when did you cut that mop of hair, Cakesniffer?!"

"Excuse you?!" Duncan exclaimed, stepping forward.

I held my arm out to block his path. "Duncan, calm down..." I said to him, and turned to Carmelita. "We're new here." I explained, "I'm Klaus Baudelaire, and these are my sisters, Violet and Sunny. These are our friends Duncan and Isadora Quagmire."

Carmelita glared harder at the two triplets. It was uncomfortably silent, so I asked a question. "What does 'cakesniffer' mean?"

"It means you're stupid cakesniffers, but I'm the most special girl in the whole wide school!!!" She said matter-of-factly, then smirked. "And I'm supposed to give you a tour!"

"We'd rather be shown around by somebody more tolerable," Duncan inputted.

"And I'd rather show around people who aren't dumb cakesniffers! This is Vice Principal Nero's office. He's a genius. He likes me best! I don't have to wear a uniform 'cause I'm too adorable! Come on!!!"

We followed her at a distance. She's a total wackjob; I could tell. "Hurry up, Cakesniffers!!!"

"I don't think it's a compliment," Izzie mumbled sarcastically, and I groaned.

People looked at us strangely as we walked past. "People are staring..." Izzie said softly, uncomfortable from the attention.

"It's probably because we're new," I tried to be helpful, and I smiled a little. It made her smile, which was all I needed her to do.

"No... That's not it..." Carmelita said. "It must be because your homes were destroyed in fires!" She giggled.

Carmelita led us outside to a part of the lawn that was lined with bleachers and there was a broken old scoreboard. This is the athletic field. Our gym teacher is coaching on an away game so I get to watch people fall on their faces from running around as fast as they can!"

I barely listened though. I was focused on the phrase on the scoreboard. It was an especially odd one to have at a school. "'Memento Mori...'" I read out loud.

"Oh, that's just our school motto. 'Remember to eat fries' or something; I never have to listen because I'm too adorable."

"It's 'Remember you will die.'" I corrected. "It's Latin."

"Latin, schmatin," Carmelita groaned. "Let's go."

She took us down another hall and made a noise of disgust towards the door in front of us. "That building is lame and only cakesniffers go in there."

"It's a library!!" Izzie said excitedly, seeing the sign above the door.

"Only a loser would be excited about a library," Carmelita insulted her.

"Only an unintelligent person wouldn't be excited." I interjected.

A lady with a very tall stack of books came out to see what the commotion was about, struggling with the height of her books. "Oh!! Hello! You must be the new students I've heard about. Give me a moment." She put the stack down onto the library cart near her door and came over to shake our hands. "Don't tell me; you three are the Baudelaires, and you two are the Quagmire triplets. Do I have that right?"

"Perfectly spot on." Izzie smiled, shaking her hand. "I must admit, I'm so happy you didn't call us twins."

"Very happy," Duncan added. "How do you know?"

"Oh well... I got a look at your school records, and it just had a little bit of information. I'm Miss Caliban; I'm the librarian here at Prufrock."

"You shouldn't talk to the library lady because she smells like those dusty old books." Carmelita advised.

"Carmelita..." Miss Caliban sighed in frustration. "Always a pleasure..." The girl gave her a nasty look and left, tapping as she walked.

I recalled one of my favorite quotes. "'A library is like an island in a vast sea of ignorance.'" I said.

"'Particularly if the library is tall and the surrounding area has been flooded!'" She added, making us smile.

"Let's go!!!" Carmelita cried from the next hallway.

"Don't go with her." Olivia advised. "She's just a brat and she's trying to make you late for your meeting. You should be able to make it; do you remember the way?"

"I believe so," Violet said. "Thanks, Miss Caliban."

"My pleasure, children. I've found that at this school, smart people like us have to stick together."

"We know where to find you," I beamed. We started to leave, but she stopped us again.

"Oh, and another word of advice, Nero won't open his door unless you knock, and even then, be prepared for him to be upset. He doesn't like interruptions," She explained, beginning to move the cart into the library. "Please visit soon, and do bring a friend should you make one."

We smiled after her as she retreated back into the library. If we couldn't make any other friends, at least the librarian was nice...