Family Comes First- ASOUE

Chapter 32: That's One Way to End the Night

*Isadora's POV*

After our meeting "Captain Sham" that afternoon, the Baudelaires, my brother, and I were worried. Of course he had found us... This is terrible... Josephine was the only one that made much conversation at dinner that night.

"That Captain Sham was certainly a charming person," she said, sucking on a piece of lime rind. "He must be very lonely, moving to a new town and losing a leg. Maybe we could have him over for dinner."

"Certainly not," Violet insisted. "We keep trying to tell you: he's Count Olaf, and if you truly mean that as our guardian, our safety is your responsibility, then you should be hoping that Hell is anxiously awaiting his return just as we hope."

"I've had enough of this nonsense," Aunt Josephine said. "Mr. Poe told me that Count Olaf had a tattoo on his left ankle and one eyebrow over his eyes. Captain Sham doesn't have a left ankle and only has one eye. I can't believe you would dare to disagree with a man who has eye problems."

"I have eye problems," Klaus said, pointing to his glasses, "and you're disagreeing with me."

"I will thank you not to be impertinent," Josephine said, using a term meaning 'Stop pointing out that I'm wrong; it annoys me.' "You will have to accept, once and for all, that Captain Sham is not Count Olaf." She reached into her pocket and pulled out the business card. "Look at his card. Does it say Count Olaf? No. It says Captain Sham. The card does have a serious grammatical error on it, but it is nevertheless proof that Captain Sham is who he says he is."

"Business cards don't prove a thing," I said, "other than you know how to go get business cards made. Anyone can get any name printed on a three and a half inch by two inch piece of cardstock! The king of Denmark can order business cards that say he sells golf balls. Your dentist can order business cards that say she is your grandmother. I could get business cards claiming my name is... Avi Lake and I'm an actress! That doesn't change the fact that I am Isadora Quagmire, and I am a poet, now does it?"

Before Josephine could answer me, the telephone began to ring. I jumped slightly. If she was so scared of it, why was it still on? "My goodness!" Aunt Josephine said. "What should we do?"

"Minka!" Sunny shrieked, which meant something like "Answer it, of course!"

She stood up from the table, but didn't move even as the phone rang a second time. "It might be important," she said, "but I don't know if it's worth the risk of electrocution."

"If it makes you feel more comfortable," Violet said, wiping her mouth with her napkin, "I will answer the phone." Violet stood up and walked to the phone in time to answer it on the third ring. "Hello?" she asked. "No. This is Violet Baudelaire. May I help you?" She listened, then stole a glance at Josephine, and looked at the four of us with a slight look towards the phone, trying to tell us Count Olaf was on the other end. "I'm sorry," Violet said into the phone. "You must have the wrong number." She hung up the phone and turned to Josephine. "Someone was asking for the Hopalong Dancing School," she said, lying quickly. "I told them they had the wrong number."

"What a brave girl you are," Aunt Josephine murmured. "Picking up the phone like that."

"It's actually very safe," Violet said. "Have you ever actually answered a phone, Aunt Josephine?"

"No... Ike always answered it." She said. "But now that I've seen you pick it up, maybe I can try picking up the next one."

"That's very brave of you, Aunt Josephine." Klaus said supportively. I nodded in agreement. Even though it was so simple, answering a telephone, it warmed my heart to hear her entertaining the idea of doing so.