Family Comes First- ASOUE

Chapter 23: Snakebite

*Duncan's POV*

Mr. Poe and Stephano led the way back to the house to call the police about Dr. Montgomery, but the Baudelaires, my sister, and I were lost in thought. I knew we were all wondering the same thing: "How could he get rid of his tattoo?" It's very unnerving to be proven wrong, especially when you're really right and the person who's actually wrong is wrongly proving you wrong... I was so confused to the point where my thoughts weren't even making sense. We sat at the kitchen table with Poe as Stephano called the coroner in the parlor. I stood and tried listening in and heard a small part of his half of the conversation.

"I don't care if you saw there are auditions for Equus! Get here now!"

Mr. Poe called me back to the table before I could hear more, saying it's impolite to eavesdrop. There was no way Olaf would call the actual authorities if he had to- he knows he'd be arrested. If he called 9-1-1, whoever was on the other side shouldn't work for an emergency services hotline if they're more concerned about a psychological thriller play than an actual emergency. I had heard of Equus before; Emerson had been preparing to audition for a while. Obvious conclusion is obvious...

"We're telling you, Mr. Poe, that man is Count Olaf." Violet said. "He killed Uncle Monty and he wants to take us away!"

"All I can see is a man who shares no resemblance to Count Olaf. I'm sorry about Dr. Montgomery's death, but it's not an excuse to be delusional, Violet."

"She's not being delusional, Mr. Poe!!!" Izzie said. "This is all one-hundred percent true. He's lying! It's what criminals do!"

I sighed. There's no use in arguing with Mr. Poe once he's made up his mind. It'd be easier to try to reason with the snake-shaped hedges out front. Poe sighed as well. "I'm sorry, children..." he said more softly. "Dr. Montgomery did seem like an appropriate guardian for you."

"He was much more than an 'appropriate guardian'," I said. "Much more."

It was silent for a few more minutes until there was a honk from outside. I looked through the kitchen window and saw a white van with red lights on top and the word "CORNER" written on the side. We went into the foyer to meet up with Stephano.

There was a knock on the door and Mr. Poe opened it. The person standing there was wearing a nurse costume and a wig, with a surgical mask on covering most of their face. "How may I help you, Ma'am?" Mr. Poe asked. "Um, Sir? Uh..."

"I'm Nurse Lucafont," They said in falsetto. Yep, that confirms my conclusion. We won't have any actual help...

"Nurse Lucafont!!" Stephano exclaimed. "From the local sheriff's department's medical examiner's office?"

"Yes, from the local... Um... I hear there's been a terrible accident involving a snake!"

"You're here already?" Mr. Poe asked. "But Stephano barely had time to call, let alone for you to drive here."

"I believe speed is of the essence in an emergency, sir. Where's the body?"

"It's in the reptile room. I'm going to make a pot of coffee."

"Can I have a cup? Nurse Lucafont asked.

Stephano glared. "You may, once you have performed the autopsy. Do a thorough examination, and then you may have some coffee."

"You're the boss," They shrugged.

The seven of us went into the kitchen and Stephano made coffee as he said he would. "When I spoke with Nurse Lucafont on the phone, I told her about the accident with your car. When she's done with her examination, you'll get a ride into town, Poe, to get a mechanic, and I will stay here with the orphans."

"No," Klaus insisted firmly. "We're not staying alone with him for an instant."

"The very second we're alone with him, he'll whisk us away to Peru." Isadora added.

Mr. Poe smiled sadly. "Children, I understand how upset you are, but it's no excuse to treat Stephano so poorly. Apologize at once."

"No!!" Klaus cried.

"It's fine, Mr. Poe. The orphans are upset about Montgomery's murder. I don't expect them to be on their best behavior."

"Murder?" Isadora repeated with faked curiosity. "Why would you say 'murder', Stephano?"

"Are you trying to say you think this wasn't an accident?" I asked, trying to stop myself from laughing. He glared at the two of us like he wanted to scratch our eyes out.

"I misspoke..." He answered finally.

"Of course he did." Mr. Poe said, sipping from his cup. "But the children can come with me and Nurse Lucafont and me if it'd make them more comfortable."

"It's a fairly small car and fitting more than two people and one corpse seems difficult."

This whole thing seemed like a game. The object of the game was not to end up alone with Stephano, or it'd mean we get taken away to Peru. It was ridiculous to think that our lives depended on a conversation on carpooling.

"Perhaps Mr. Poe could drive the jeep to the mechanic, with me, my siblings, and the Quagmires," Violet offered. "While Stephano goes with Nurse Lucafont."

"That sounds like a good plan, especially since they're actually Emerson," I added.

"Child, no," Stephano said. "If I were standing closer to either of you, I would slap you in the throat."

"You have no right to speak to us that way." Violet said, glaring.

"Violet seems to have the best plan..." Mr. Poe said, followed by him coughing into his sleeve.

"I choose to disagree..." Stephano replied in disgust, watching the banker wearily.

"I finished my autopsy..." Nurse Lucafont said awkwardly from the doorway. "The cause of death was a venomous snakebite."

"How can you be sure?" Klaus asked.

"Uh... Two bite marks on his cheek. Only a snake could have done that."

"How terribly tragic!" Stephano shrugged. "Case closed."

"But Uncle Monty was one of the world's leading herpetologists. He'd have known better than to let a dangerous snake bite him." Violet pointed out.
"Well, I tested his blood. In his veins, I found the venom of one of the most dangerous snakes in the world. The Mamba du Mal!"

"So there's a dangerous snake on the loose?!" Mr. Poe scrunched up in his seat.

"No, no. The Mamba du Mal was in its cage. It must've unlocked the cage, bit him, and slithered back in, locking it back up after itself. That's the trouble with exotic pets. Maybe nature isn't meant to be tamed."

"That's ridiculous!" Isadora cried. "Absolute buffoonery!"

"What my sister means to say is that Uncle Monty would not, under any circumstances, keep a deadly snake in a cage it was able to unlock by itself. Because he's not an idiot."

"I don't know," Stephano said, "Some people can be pretty dumb..."

"Oh like you??" Klaus asked, crossing his arms in front of himself.

"Children, I'll thank you kindly if you let the adults sort this all out and you can wait in the reptile room," Poe said. "Okay?"

"Mr. Poe..." Izzie began.

"But..." Klaus had started to say at the same time.

"Of course we will," Violet said, "Come on, guys."

We all let out a defeated sigh as Violet led us out of the kitchen. We didn't have much more room to argue at this point. Olaf knows how to make a seemingly air-tight case I guess... But we're gonna find where the irrefutable hole in his story is.