I'm Sorry- A Slipknot Story

Chapter 73

-night-

I sit on the couch and stare into the darkness, totally quiet where I am. I'm far enough away to not hear the guys sleeping, so I can think to myself. I tug at my sleeves and bring my legs up, resting my chin on my knees. I hear one of the guys walking to me, so I stay quiet and hope they didn't hear me. I don't really want to talk to anyone at the moment.

"Liz? I know you're here," Corey says. He touches my shoulder and I reach up, pushing him away softly.

"Go back to bed. It's late," I say. I was tired, sad, hurting, everything that depression makes you feel.

"Not until I get to the bottom of something," he says. He turns on a light and pulls my hand to him. He pushes my sleeve up and looks for cuts, but finds none.

"If you're looking for cuts, they're not there," I say. He drops my hand where it was and thinks, pulling my right pant leg up.

"Look Corey, I know you care about me, and I know you want me to be better, but if you're doing it to yourself at the same time, it's irrelevant," I say.

"But I don't see any cuts," he says. 

I pull my left pant leg up and he looks, making his eyes go wide. He grabs my ankle and pulls it to him, making my leg extend. He examines the cuts as I look away, trying not to get away from Corey to hide again. I said I wasn't in the mood to talk, but he doesn't seem to want to talk either. I look back at him and he lets my leg down, standing in front of me. He looks away but back at me, putting a hand on my knee. I put my other leg down and in an instant, he's hugging me. He's sitting on me with his knees next to my hips.

"Corey, why do you do this," I ask, hugging him.

"Because I realized that you're right. I need to do something too in order to help you," he says.

"But how did you know," he asks, letting go and leaning back to see me.

"The razor blade doesn't lie," I say.

"Oh. Right," he says.

"I got an idea," I say. He lets me go and I walk to the bathroom, getting the blade. I walk to him and hold it up, still seeing my blood on it.

"This is something I used to do with my asylum friends. It goes like this," I say. I put my left hand out and cut a line on my first finger horizontally.

"No matter where we are, who we are, what we're doing; we'll always be together. You and I will always have help from one another, no matter the subject. I will always have your back Corey," I say. I pass him the blade and he cuts in the same place, repeating the last part.

"And I will always have your back Liz," he says. We shake our hands and he passes the blade back, resisting the urge to cut. I let go and walk to the window, cracking it open.

"No more, shiny Satan," I say as I toss it out the window. I close the window and turn, getting a tight hug from my shorter friend.

"Thank you. I wanted to do that, but they didn't let me," he says.

"Let's face it. Depression's a bitch," I say.

"Yeah," he agrees.

-March 29th-

"The best things in life are home," I say to myself. I open the door and walk in, closing the door after me. Sakari runs around the corner and sits on my feet, telling me how happy she is to see me.

"I missed you too Sakari," I say as I pet her.

"Sakari got a man while you were gone," Claire says.

"Ooh, who is he," I ask.

"He's a husky. They've gotten along pretty well," she says. As Sakari hears about this husky, her tail goes wild and almost mows Claire down.

"Oh yeah, is there a way to take a slap back," she asks.

"I don't think so. Why? You having second thoughts on Sid," I ask. Sakari gets off my feet and I walk to the living room, sitting next to Claire and Sakari.

"Not at all. I still hate him, I just want to do it myself because I think you didn't do it," she says.

"What made you want to slap him through the phone," I ask.

"You know that time in the summer? It wasn't that embarrassing, but he still needs to be slapped," she uses a politician answer.

"You didn't answer my question," I say. She sighs and smiles as she looks at me.

"He didn't try to kiss you did he," I ask.

"Oh no he didn't try to. He did. He kissed me when he was high as a kite, but I ran out before I could slap him a new face," she says.

"Does it ever dawn on you that he might actually like you? When I slapped him he actually said, and I quote, 'Good to know she still thinks about me.'," I say.

"I know he likes me. I just don't think I could handle having a long-distance relationship with him. A partier," she says.

"How do you do it? How do you have so much trust in Bruce," she asks.

"If he didn't love me as much as I love him, I wouldn't be promised. And a promise ring in my books is a sign of love, trust and dedication. I trust Bruce enough to not do anything stupid with another French chick," I explain.

"If you trust a man that's overseas, speaks another language and is blind, I think I can trust Sid enough," she says.

"Besides, Sid's an adorable little sugar glider. He'll understand that I needed to slap him through the phone," she adds.

"Oh yeah, I saw what happened in London," she says.

"I fucking hate him," I growl.