I'm Sorry- A Slipknot Story

Chapter 79

-afternoon-

I finish putting my clothes and shoes away, so I decide to take a break to find the guys. I walk downstairs and wander around, Sakari following at a foot's distance. I put her stuff in my room so she doesn't bother any of the guys if they're in a bad mood. I spot a cat on the couch and Mick slowly petting it. The cat purrs quietly and Sakari ignores it. I wander around more and find the garage, seeing Jim's bike with his helmet on the seat. He's sitting in front of it, doing his thinking pose.

"Hi Jim," Sakari says. His head shoots up and looks at me, then Sakari.

"Oh, it was Sakari. I thought the cat learned to talk," he says.

"What's wrong with the bike this time," I ask. His bike has a reputation of not working.

"I don't know honestly. It's famous for doing this ya know," he says.

"Can't get it to start," I ask.

"I can get it to start, I just can't get it to stay running," he says.

"That's easy. You need to take the choke down a notch," I say. (IRL, I have no fuckin' idea.)

"You sure," he asks.

"I'm more positive than an optimist," I say. 

He laughs and I leave, going to the backyard. I wander around there and see Craig sitting in the garden, cross-legged in the flowers. Sakari sniffs some of them and sneezes, getting Craig's attention. He puts his hand out and Sakari walks cautiously to him, trying not to step on any flowers. He pets her and smiles at me, blinking a compliment to me.

"Thanks, I thought this was a nice sweater," I say. 

Sakari goes with me to wander again, and I end up by a little waterfall pool. Well, not that little. The waterfall's little, but the pool's at least 30 feet long and 20-25 feet wide. And by guessing, about 10-15 feet deep. Joey's sitting at the edge, daydreaming by the look on his face. I decide not to disturb him and wander some more, eventually going to the basement. I find Corey there, writing something down in a notebook.

"Corey," I say. He looks up and his eyes show he's listening.

"I filled the notebook up," I say.

"I don't know what to say. I don't want to say that's good because that means those voices aren't nice a bit, but I don't want to say it's bad because I kind of expected that," he says.

"What was the 'you'll see' part," I ask.

"The you'll see part is we burn it. It's kind of an emotional thing. There's a fire pit somewhere in this land, so we can burn it tomorrow," he says.

"Great," I say. I walk back upstairs and walk back to the living room where Mick is.

"Hey Mick, you think I should get another tattoo," I ask. The cat looks at me, then meows. I pet it a few times and Sakari gets jealous, making me put my hand on her head.

"Where were you thinking," he asks. His two forearm tattoos were the inspiration to my forearm one, but only the place of it. The quote was all my idea.

"On the side of my calf. I was thinking a lightning bolt for reasons I will not disclose," I say, sounding like a legal paper.

"Hmm, sounds like a good place for a lightning bolt. How big is the bolt," he asks.

"Eh, about the size of my calf," I say.

"Good size for a bolt, too. You've been planning this for a long time, haven't you," he asks.

"All of my tattoos I have now and ones in my head have been planned so much I could've written a book about them," I say.

"I say go for it," he says.

"Great, thanks. I probably would've done it anyway," I say.

"Then why did you ask me," he asks.

"Because you're easy to talk to about tattoos," I say. I walk back to my room and Sakari lays in her bed, looking at the bear. I look at it and Sid's cuddled up to it, reading a medical book from the bookshelf.

"Need help with anything," he asks without looking up.

"Nah, I'm good. Hey, thanks for giving me this room. It's amazing," I say.

"It wasn't just my idea. You gotta thank Craig for this room, 'cause he told us about this room being like you," he says. He sounds really bored; his voice's flatter than a Pepsi in the sun.

"But I'm still thanking you," I say. 

I pick up my valuables box and put it on my bed, opening it. I take out my jewelry box and put it on the bookshelf, putting my earring stand and ring stand beside it. I can feel Sid watching me, but I don't mind. I'm used to the guys watching what I do after my suicide attempt last year. I had tried to slit my throat, but I only got halfway there when Corey took the knife away from me. My neck healed, and there's a white line halfway across my neck from it.

"Good god, how much stuff do you have? Is that Mary Poppins' moving box," he asks.

"Nah, I just know how to pack efficiently," I say. 

I put my spare change jar on the bookshelf and dig in my pockets, putting one of every coin in the almost full jar. I walk back and look in, seeing only one thing left. My knife and gun collection. I take it out and put the knives on the shelf above my bed, putting the guns beside the knives. Even though I tried dying on my own terms, they still let me keep my collections.