Jikook Oneshots

48. The Arrangement

By: @Kookie_andCream

"Jungkook," Jimin sighs, waking Jungkook from his beauty sleep, "is it maybe possible that you don't wake me up every morning with your dick poking into my ass?"

Jungkook raises his head muzzily, peering down at Jimin's upturned face over his shoulder. They're spooning, like they do every night before falling asleep in the colder months. Perks of having a roommate always so desperate for cuddles that it's almost pitiful.

"Wassat?" he slurs. The days are edging close enough to the end of the year that the morning air has a chilly nip to it, and Jungkook lets his head drop back down onto the pillow, pulling Jimin's body closer and snuggling into it. He revels at the heat of Jimin's back against his chest, tugging the blanket closer around them both with his free hand.

"Stop that," Jimin whines, voice as high-pitched and ridiculously sweet as always. Jungkook knows it's important to BTS—if Jimin's voice weren't pitched the way it is, half the high notes in their songs wouldn't exist—but it doesn't stop him from teasing him relentlessly about it. "Your boner is disembowelling my ass."

"Huh. Deal with it." Jungkook closes his eyes again, nestling his hips nicely against Jimin's butt. They got over the gayness of cuddling each other to sleep every night a year or so after their debut. Jungkook may be straight as a ruler and as far from batting for the same team as one can get, but falling asleep while spooning Jimin is like falling asleep while holding a soft, warm, gently breathing, sweet-smelling marshmallow, and Jungkook isn't giving that up for anything. Hey, if Jimin's willing—and he always is—Jungkook's willing. "You wake up every morning to it anyway."

"Let me guess. You were dreaming about tits."

"Of course I was dreaming about tits," Jungkook sighs, voice becoming dreamy. "I'm always dreaming about tits."

"That is a misogynistic, male chauvinist pig thing to say which flagrantly and vulgarly objectifies women, and I'm gonna have to ask you to stop."

"You'd be dreaming about tits too if you weren't gay."

"I'm not gay!" Jimin squeals indignantly, voice pitching up even further, which only serves to prove his point.

"Jimin. Please. Practically every time we go out a man stops you and either asks you for your number or gives you his. There are more articles than I can count about how you're one of the most popular idols in South Korea with gay men. Ever heard about the gaydar?"

"Of course! I'm not stupid!"

"You set millions of gaydars across the nation off every time you smile with those goddamn twinkly eyes, Park Jimin. Don't even try to lie."

"So maybe you could be a bit grateful," Jimin wheedles in his begging voice, artfully trying to turn the conversation around to his advantage, "that you're holding such an envied position as spooner of Park Jimin, the one and only, and get your boner out from between my ass cheeks?"

"I'm cold. I'm only moving if you become the big spoon."

"But I hate being the big spoon," Jimin says, trailing off into a whine again. "You're so much bigger than me. You make me feel like a backpack."

"Not my fault you're so short."

Jimin huffs, the air deflating out of his ribcage. "If you're gonna insult me, at least call me hyung."

"We don't see eye-to-eye with that statement...oh, right, because you aren't on my eye level."

Jimin audibly rolls his eyes while Jungkook cackles, mentally congratulating himself for his own punniness.