Izuku doubled over on the bench. Why is this happening now? Shoto hailed a taxi and helped him up and in. "What is it, Izuku? This can't be from just half a drink." "I feel nauseous." Shoto tapped the taxi glass and signaled for the driver to pull over. The door flew open along with the insides of Izuku's stomach. Shoto rubbed his back in slow circular motions to soothe him. The taxi driver asked if they needed the hospital, but Shoto went out the other door and handed him a large bill through the window, asking him to please wait. Izuku made sure everything stayed out of the car along the curb but the sight of it just made him want to puke more. The driver handed him napkins to wipe his face. "Was it something you ate? Or is it nerves?" I.. I didn't eat.. ugh, I spent too long deciding to join the group, then I thought I'd eat with them.. I'm such an idiot.. and maybe he has a point about my nerves.. Shoto came back with a store bag and gave the driver his apartment address. He helped Izuku sit up and gave him a plastic bag lined with a paper bag - in case they couldn't stop in time the next time. The rest of the trip was quiet.
"You didn't have to do all this.." Izuku sat at kitchen island, feeling like an intruder in the space. Shoto had gotten a toothbrush, mouth wash and antacids. He had also started to busy himself with anything he could think of that would help ease an upset stomach. Garlic ginger noodles were prepared quickly and he added raw honey to green tea. "I don't know if I can stomach all this.." Izuku felt bad watching Shoto move around the kitchen. "Just try some, at least some of the tea.." He was glad to see Izuku reach for it. "I'm sorry.. I didn't think this would be how we meet again." Izuku stared at the cup before taking a sip. "How.. did you imagine it?" Izuku looked up at him in earnest. He hadn't really tried to meet his eyes all night til now. Shoto looked tired. "Do I.. make you tired?" Shoto paused at the question, then dragged a hand from one eye through his hair line, answering "No. You bring me life." Izuku's eyes watered and whatever pent up nerves he had, deflated out of him. Can I be happy? Can I make him happy? Shoto slowly got closer, not sure if he was allowed to hug him, but that's all he wanted to do. I'm tired of being sorry, saying sorry, and I'm sure everyone's tired of hearing it. Izuku squeezed the cup, hunching down to occupy the least amount of space possible. He wanted to be as small as he felt. Shoto gently lifted his face towards him. "You should stretch out instead of tensing your stomach.. take the bed and I'll-" "Can you love me again?" Izuku blurted out. Ah.. I didn't mean.. I can't face him, I can't tell him everything. How could I even explain..? I shouldn't have come. Fuck, why do I keep messing- Shoto watched these thoughts all over Izuku's face before silencing them with a kiss. Izuku tried to fight him off but was weak against his chest. The kiss was rough until Izuku gave in, then it turned passionate. Lifted up and carried to the bed, Shoto slowly kissed him from head to collar bone. When he felt his shirt lift and a warm hand glide gently across his stomach, he panicked. Shoto sat back on his heels, watching a tormented Izuku hide his tears. Does he think I am.. am I forcing him? Are we not.. reconciling? He stood up hastily and faced out the sliding doors, not exactly sure what he should be sorry about. He could see Izuku's reflection in them."I guess, that wasn't the answer you wanted." Shoto kept his composure. "I- I've wronged you, knowingly, selfishly. It's too much to face you." Shoto sighed.. in relief? "Izuku.. I know." He turned to him and joined the bed on one knee and then the next before wrapping him in his arms. "Well, I have an idea.. and I don't understand it all.. but if they can be happy, why can't we?" Something clicked for Izuku.. I guess.. they did get close. "Eijiro." It was a question without it's mark. "I.. have things that would be difficult to explain as well.." To this, Izuku looked at him curiously before detaching himself and falling back on a pillow. Hah.. "How.." he started to ask, face covered with an elbow, "do we..?" "Move forward?" ..both a clarification and answer. Shoto laid beside him and wrapped his arms around again. He needed closeness. Izuku was deep in thought until his breathing grew steady. With his exhaustion, he hadn't tried to pry Shoto off.
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He gave in to sleep until his appetite returned, waking him with hunger. Wiggling out of bed, he spotted his noodles still on the counter. He practically inhaled them while watching Shoto's outline in the moonlight. He has things he can't explain away either.. is that supposed to make things okay? Am I overthinking things? Is it worse if we just imagine what those things were, vs taking them out? This thought paused him for a while. Am I just full of excuses because I don't really want to be with him? Izuku thought back on how he had left him time and time again, over a year ago and recently. Am I broken? Can I not accept love? Izuku sat across Shoto quietly. Do I repel him because he cares? Do I not believe that he can? That I'm worthy of it? Is that why I-? Shoto stretched his arm in his sleep, landing in the empty space. He was reaching for Izuku. ..For so long I admired those who had what I didn't.. and then my attention always had to be elsewhere, for the greater good. I've hardly seen my parents.. all I ever do it worry and avoid mom.. Do I not know how to deal with love? Do I not love myself? With how selfish I've been..? Can I only care for others with no strings attached? Shoto rolled again uncomfortably. This time he jumped up when he fully acknowledged that Izuku wasn't by him. "I'm sorry, I'm here." "Why- are you okay?" Shoto got up and used his quirk to light candles. "I'm.. feeling.. so-so." It was the truth, his stomach had settled but he had become a ball of depression that probably fed into Shoto's nightmares from afar. Shoto's worried face made Izuku anxious, but then calm. This is how I'll choose to take it, I'll choose to believe him. "I have an answer for you.. if you want it." Izuku smiled tentatively. He felt the couch dip besides him immediately. "Your love.. is overwhelming. I think.. I sabotage it because I don't know how to love myself or thereby accept love from others." Izuku spoke slowly. Saying it out loud lifted the weight it had on him. He could tell Shoto wanted to interrupt at every chance but had bitten down from doing so. "I don't.. want you to be unhappy.. and I think I can be happy with you.. if that's what you want.. but I need time and patience. I'm going to mess up, but know that I don't want to. Is it fair to ask you to love me through that? Unwavering while I try to believe in it, for myself and us?" Shoto took his time to answer. "For you, anything is worth it. I'll try my best.. to not burden you.." He felt a bit awkward saying this. He meant it, but he couldn't understand how Izuku would have such issues while he didn't. I should be the one screwed with all that.. but what he said earlier was true, Izuku gave him life. Izuku was forgetting with his hands.. along with the soft candle light, he was spared from reading Shoto's confusion. Shoto brought him in close again. All night it has been as if he was scared Izuku would disappear. I do need to do better. Shoto had taken more than he had given in this sense. Doting and care didn't match the level Izuku had reached way back when, since the sports festival. "I will do anything I can. Let us start again, slow and steady. Let's communicate well." Shoto leaned back, holding Izuku by both shoulders. "We can do this." Izuku relaxed into strong arms again and simply answered, "Okay."
