what the heck i am even doing with my life? like, living feels so stupid ;-;
anyways i hope you'll enjoy this little pov x
~~~
Another day had passed.
It was a tiring one, as always, but now as you were sitting on the rooftop of the Wangshu Inn with Xiao by your side everything felt alright and even the future seemed somewhat brighter. Night after night you two were meeting in the very same place and were stargazing together. It felt comforting to know that someone cared about you enough to spend long, quiet hours with you.
That night, the air was filled with silence yet again as you and the vigilant yaksha sat next to each other, looking up at the starry sky.
You couldn't resist this pecurial feeling you had whenever Xiao was near you. You felt safe and calm and a silly smile was creeping into your face, even without you realizing.
And then, when he suddenly put his arm around you and pulled you closer to him - so close that you could feel the warmth of his skin - your heart skipped a beat. You felt so lucky, resting your head on his shoulder and looking up at his face. He, who sacrificed himself for the humanity, who was fated to fight evil forever, who carried the burden of the world on his shoulders - he was with you, he gave you his time and even if it all was to end in a split of a second you were so grateful that you could share this one little moment with him. His face looked so beautifuly and nobly in the moonlight, his sad eyes reflecting the stars, his hair dancing with the wind.
You sighed.
It couldn't last forever, being here with him, gazing at the sky together and feeling your heart racing inside your chest.
And suddenly it hit you, that it might have been the last time you see him. Nobody knew what tomorrow might bring and you had only now. There was nothing more.
"Xiao?"
"Yes, y/n?" Yaksha kept his eyes fixed on the sky. You took a deep breath in. It was now or never.
"I love you" you whispered.
Xiao looked at you. Colours faded from his face, his eyes widen in surprise and he seemed saddened and worried.
"No, no". He shook his head. "You don't mean that, you can't. I... y/n, you... you will regret it".
As he spoke you felt your eyes were filling with tears.
"I'll only hurt you" he said quietly.
It shattered your heart into pices when you heard those words and as you realized that Xiao believed in them.
"Please don't say that". Tears were now falling down your cheeks and our heart ached so badly.
"y/n..."
"I love you, Xiao and... and..." Xiao pressed his warm hands to your face. Carefully and with a great delicacy he started to wipe away your tears.
"Don't cry y/n. I'm begging you" he said looking you into the eyes. "Please. I'm not worth your sadness".
You shook your head, still crying.
"I don't care". You were determined. "Even if you will hurt me, it's fine. And...and you don't have to give me anything. I don't want anything. I just... Just let me stay by your side. I won't leave you, no matter what. You... you don't have to love me, I'm..." Words stuck in your throat.
To your surprise, Xiao was looking at you with a slight smile.
"Sweet little y/n" he sighed, leaning to you and placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. "My heart belongs to you since the first moment I saw you". He hugged you and you buried your face in his shirt. "But I don't want you to suffer and my world is cruel and full of pain. I don't want you to be a part of it. I don't want the darkness to swallow you" he whispered. "Please forgive me".
"There's nothing to forgive" you assured him. "I know what I'm getting myself into. I have my eyes wide open, Xiao".
You lifted your gaze and your eyes met with his. Your heart pounded like crazy and your mind was empty. All you knew was that he looked at you with so much hope.
"I love you, y/n" he said softly, with his hands caressing your cheeks, and you just smiled.
Xiao gave you a cute little smile when he pressed his lips to yours and as you kissed him and felt his warm touch on your skin, you thought to yourself that it must be what heaven is like.
