so my math teacher says i'm a god.
like, sir, i literally have a mental breakdown all the time ;-;
anywaysss here are playlists i made recently (cuz i'm stressed hehe) and i kinda like them so i just wanted to share them with you :D
(i hope links work)
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLd_3fKn0d_5YC6Jph-_9vBk97yIWQZmyk
^i recommend that one to reading this pov ;)
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2aJKAqNCPffFG4bHq8MHCG?si=df512cfddad04d48
and ofc i hope you enjoy this pov ^^
~~~~
Life was going rather well.
You loved the freedom, feeling breeze and sunlight on your face and gazing at the infinite night sky full of stars, while listening to Kazuha's stories, poetry, pounding heart, racing breath or to how he was whispering your name when you were driving him insane.
He was hiding many secrets behind his smile and many scars adorned his fair skin. You didn't dare to ask about any of them though. You didn't feel like you had the right to do so. You just gently brushed your fingertips against places that carried the memory of pain and – if you felt brave enough – placed delicate kisses on his scars. But only when you were sure he was asleep.
"If you want to know something, ask me, y/n" he told you once.
You just nodded.
There were too many things you were curious about because, in fact, you wanted to know everything. You wanted him to tell you about his past, about what he was thinking when he saw the moon, what he was talking with the wind about, what he was scared of, what made him laugh, how did he always find the right music and the right words and why did he look in your eyes, with so much despair, so much longing as if you were about to disappear at any moment. You wanted to know why he was always kissing you so passionately, why he was always keeping you as close as he could, why he was even wasting his time on you.
But you never asked.
You listened to everything he was saying, catching scratches and sewing them together, hoping that maybe one day you will make them a whole.
You hated yourself for that but when you saw Kazuha talking to other people, you saw his smiles that weren't meant for you or you heard his songs that he sang for someone else, you were always filled with burning jealousy and you just couldn't help it. You were greedy, you knew it. You wanted him to give you all his time, all he got, including himself, and stay with you forever.
But you also knew that he was a free soul. He belonged with the wind, with freedom and for now – with you. Eventually, he would move on, hit the road, disappear from your life and you would do the same. You couldn't keep him for yourself; That would be cruel.
You wouldn't say that you were in love, nor was he. People who claimed to love you had done you wrong so many times before and they were the reason you were now on the run. With Kazuha there were no promises but you trusted him with your whole self. He gave himself away to you as well, with the secrets he shared with you, with his weaknesses, completely defenseless. You had power over him and he had power over you.
But he didn't abuse it, like so many before him did. He understood that you needed to be free. He would let you go, if it would make you happy and he never dared to call you his. That would be cruel.
He knew what he could do to you; How your breath was getting heavier when he was getting closer, how his kisses were leaving you wanting more, how his touch was making you burn, how your heart pounded when he was pinning you down and when he was hovering over you, how you shivered when his cold hands were slipping under your shirt. But you could forgive him using those dirty little tricks. After all, he only wanted to hear his name from your lips, see your eyes fixed at him and filled with madness he gave you.
You got used to how your life looked like and you couldn't imagine it to change. The piles of paperwork seemed to have no end so it was quite probable you would be stuck with them forever if you stayed on the Crux. But with each day, your destination was getting closer and your time with Kazuha was coming to an end.
This night something was in the air. You got to the deck, next to the probably-not-so-legal cargo where Kazuha usually liked to spend time.
"Oh, y/n! How nice to see you here" he said cheerfully as he saw you. You two had this kind of rendez-vous every night, and every night Kazuha was as happy and thrilled to see you as he had been at the first one.
You smiled, stepping closer to him.
For a short quiet moment you two just stood next to each other, each absorbed by their own thoughts.
"The moon is really pretty tonight" you said suddenly, staring straight into Kazuha's eyes.
"Yes, indeed" he agreed, staring back at you with a grin on his face, as he leaned to you. "Its magnetic beauty never fails to amaze me".
You rose your eyebrow and also leaned closer to him. Kazuha put his hands on your hips, pulling them to his, when you finally kissed him. You could tell by the way his lips pressed to yours, just how much he wanted to have you close.
"Kazuha?" you asked quietly, when he let you off to catch a breath. In this moment, when you were gazing at his sparkling eyes, his messy hair, parted lips and his chest raising and falling rapidly, and at the slight blush on his face, you realized something.
You got addicted to him and it was much too late to save yourself.
"Yes, y/n?"
"Tell me" You took a deep breath in. "Tell me, when it's all over, I mean the cruise, and when you'll be on your way again, do you think that I could go with you?"
Kazuha frowned as he put his hand on your cheek and you pressed your face to his cold, soft skin.
"I'm sorry, I know I'm probably asking for too much" you said quietly. "But I just can't see us part ways any time soon. I mean, I'll manage on my own just fine but I would much rather be with you. I... Wherever you go, I want to go to. Just let me, Kazuha. Please".
You gazed at him, waiting for his answer.
"If there was poison on your lips" he started talking in his low, velvet voice, as he was caressing your cheek "I would kiss it off them, then die happy, that I could touch you and you let me so close to you, so that I could have tasted the sweetness of death from your lips. It's a blessing, y/n, you stepped into my life. It has never been better and if I just walked away from you, I would never forgive myself".
"You're so dramatic" you sighed but with a slight smirk.
He only smiled, kissed your lips, than your jaw, neck and finally your collarbone. You moaned quietly as he bit your skin and pressed your body even closer to his.
When he grabbed your chin and lifted it, only to kiss you again, you died a little.
"You're so cute" he whispered, looking you in the eyes.
You had your hands on his neck, you felt your heart racing and beating loudly and you could barely breath.
"So... You're saying that you'll stay?" You wanted to hear those words, you wanted to be sure it wasn't a dream.
Kazuha smiled, caressing your cheek.
"Yes, I am staying with you". His faces was so close to yours that you just couldn't think straight. "You make it impossible to leave, y/n".
