so i had an idea for a depressing silly lil pov but then my friend sent me an article and i was convinced it was real (it was about a new water park like cmon you'd have believed it too) and then i was kindly reminded what day it is and i felt silly. so i decided to stay silly!!!! and write something rlly cringe and awkward, hope you enjoy it. be on the look out for meme lines and other chronically online aritfacts. i worked very hard putting them here, trust me, the cringe i felt is real.
this is a work of fiction. any similarities to real life events and/or people are accidental. i swear.
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y/n had never dreamed of labour. Back in preschool, when asked "Who would you like to be when you grow up?", unlike other children who had elaborate and totally realistic ideas such as ninja, princess, dinosaur, a successful and not annoying youtuber or respectable influencer, y/n answered that they simply want to be rich.
Unfortunatelly, despite being made of paper, which is made of trees, the money did not simply grow in y/n's backyard and soon it had become apparent that although it is not their dream, they have to find a job not even to be rich but to survive.
Looking for a position was a disheartening process and the process of interviewing was utterly humbling. At the end of the day, LinkedIn failed them and y/n had to rely on good ol' nepotism and ended up getting a job as a barista in her friend's cousin's mother in law's acquaintance's aunt's coffee shop. It was a formidable establishment serving bevarages to corporate workers. The quaint interior soothed their nerves temporarly, yet not enough for them to show basic respect to the staff.
y/n felt bad about it at first but then they realised that they can tinker with costumers' orders, since other forms of revange were unavailable if they wanted to keep their job.
The biggest inconvinience of working at the coffee shop was the fact that y/n had to get there early almost every morning to open the business, before the corporate rats would start their day, so they could get their silly little mental health support drink first thing in the day. Today however, it seemed that not only y/n had to wake up before the sun has risen - as they crossed the street and were walking towards the coffee shop, they noticed that a man was following them. They began walking faster and sure enough, the man sped up as well. y/n was annoyed.
Bad-mouthing the man and calling him names in their mind, they did not notice that they walked onto a road nor did they see the garbage truck driving at a stagerring speed towards them.
"Hey, female/male/androgenous baby infant! Hold still!" They heard from behind them and suddenly they were snatched and carried across the road.
y/n was too stunned to speak.
"Can you put me down?" they asked in a flat voice.
"Are you sure you want me to let go?" a deep manly voice asked.
"Yep." y/n began calculating how much time they had wasted already and how in the hell will they manage to open the coffee shop on time.
"Oh, you're opinionated. I like that. You're not like other people, you're just so different and quirky." The man laughed but fortunatelly, he did put y/n down. "So, what do I get for saving your life?" He smirked as he crossed his arms and looked y/n up and down.
"Yeah, thanks for that." y/n raised an eyebrow staring at his painfully red hair. "It was totally your fault though" they pointed out. "You were clearly following me and you're ugly, so I feel deeply violated too."
"Why do you care about me and what I do so much?" The redhead's smirk grew and his brow has risen. "Are you into me or something?"
y/n stopped, turned back around and stared at the man wide-eyed.
"What are you yapping about?" they coughed out.
"Aw, don't be shy female/male/androgenous baby infant" he giggled. y/n shivered. "I get it, I'm super charming. Young, rich, tall and handsome." He ran his hand through his hair. "What' not to like?"
A lot - y/n almost said however they stopped themselves in time. The guy looked like several TikTok filters stacked on each other, was weird, sus, creepy and was a redhead, however he mentioned that he was rich. This ticked y/n off. They took a good look at him, scanning his appearance carefully. He was tall and seemed young, that checked out, the handsome part - that was subjective. y/n tried to estimate the monetary value of his sweatpants, shoes and blouse. They were hideous, with huge logos plastered onto them but the fabric seemed to be of good quality and like it was able to survive more than ten trips to the washing machine and still look good.
The guy also seemed to have faint tan or rather - had skin like a baked crab. And it was the middle of winter. Surely, he must have been on vacation not long ago.
"Well, I don't know" y/n answered diplomatically. "I'm sure if I get to know you better, I'll find a lot of your... special characteristics."
"So you do feel something for me?" The guy walked up to them, closing the distance. y/n wondered whether this interaction would be sufficient enough to successfully file for a restraining order. They shook these thoughts off. For now, they had to entertain the man and they could not do it if they were not in his proximity.
"Of course. Yeah." y/n dropped down their gaze and tucked a strand of hair behind their ear, giving the guy a bashful look.
"And they say my charm is fake" the redhead reassured himself.
That day, y/n did not go to work, instead they went on a date with the weird TikTok filter guy. It was awful but they went to some expensive underwhelming restaurants, went shopping and he bought y/n ugly but expensive clothes and they drove around in his flashy car. y/n quit their job, the redhead did not have a job to begin with and he just inherited a lot of money, so the two of them hang out every day. Then the redhead saw a YouTube short of some sigma male who said that a sigma man must be married and so, since the redhead wanted to be a sigma him and y/n got married. Soon enough, the guy died in mysterious, unexplained circumstances but nobody bothered to investigate, because everyone who knew him, openly hated him. Thus, y/n inherited all of ginger's inherited money and they were rich forever and did not work ever again. They dream came true and they were very happy.
The end.
