Forever 3: "The Chances" (Hariana / Diall)

33: The Hysteric

I'm afraid that my recovering heart will be broke again, for worse.

A R I A N A

After I admitted it in front of him or should I say, in front of them, I'm here now at my room, locking it. I sat in the floor and leaning my back on the door. I just shut my eyes and trying to calm myself. I was followed by Demi and the girls, I think? But I left them outside. All I know is going here in New York, makes me forget about what happened but it was worse.

"Ariana, open the door... Please?" Demi said.

"Ariana... Don't make us worry." Perrie said.

"We can help you, just open the door." Ely said.

"Ari... Try to calm yourself." Sophia said.

"We will wait here until you open the door." Demi said.

What was I thinking? Why did I admitted it? But mostly, he's also in love to me. We both do, we both fell, maybe without noticing it? How about Taylor? How if he breaks up with Taylor and ask for a second chance? I'm a bit happy because we felt mutual feelings for each other.

I do love Harry, again, but I'm afraid in loving him more or give more and stronger affection because not only I'm afraid in falling, but I'm afraid in getting hurt again. Because once I felt it again, I fucking don't know what can I do, also to myself.

But I already feeling it now, right? I stood up and start searching some thing in my suitcase. And that something is a blade. I start aiming it in my wrist. But something popped out in my mind.

"You shouldn't use blade to forget or to endure or ease the pain, because it will cause more. Thus, there are your friends who are there to help you without hurting yourself."

That message is from Harry. He said that to me, while I'm still moving on and he's right. This fucking blade is no use, it will just make me worse. But in my friends, I'll be better.

"Fuck yourself... Blade." I mumbled and threw it away.

I rushed going in front of my door and opened it. Once they saw me, they stood up and they sat in the hallway. I quickly hugged Demi who is crying again.

"I'm sorry..." I said and break down more.

"No... It's fine... Shh..." She said and I starts receiving pats and caresses.

"We should go inside now." Perrie said.

We get inside and all of them sat beside me, while Sophia gave me a glass of water. Tears are still flowing down from my eyes. I can't take or handle the pains anymore. My mind are fighting with what I want. I want to kill myself right now, but my mind said that I shouldn't. And all the inspiring words that Harry said to me is coming back. Two over one.

Now, I'm just sobbing, better just for now. I'm just thinking about him. Is he like me also, right now? Is he bursting in tears? But he shouldn't, he has Taylor, he just need to focus on her or in theirs.

"Ariana... Did you really fall again to him?" Demi asked and I nodded.

"So... What do you want now, now that Harry admitted that he fell in love again to you?" Ely asked.

"I don't know. But all I know is I can't love him anymore, I don't want to get hurt. I rather be alone than experiencing what I felt before." I said.

"How about the words, second chance?" Sophia asked.

"Second chance is meant for everything, but for the two of us, we didn't and we don't deserve it. I'm moving on, he's with Taylor... We have different paths that cannot be as one." I said with my voice cracking.