Forever 3: "The Chances" (Hariana / Diall)

52: The Downhills

Was it still possible that the past might still haunts you, even if your present now is beautiful like what do you want in future?

P E R R I E

I'm rushing through the hallways, running as fast as I can. I know my body will erupt anytime soon, I think I'm on fire, making me angrier, making me want to destroy something or someone, him. I want to rip off every thing I saw. I want to break everything like my heart that was now breaking.

Now we're here at the hotel in Boston, Massachusetts for the continuation of the tour. Of course, it was always tiring and the thing only we have to be relaxed is either to sleep or to spend it in our loved ones. But probably the spending time thing with loved ones, won't happen in us right now. Or I don't even know, if it will be sooner or not anymore.

As I found my room or our room, I quickly insert the card and unlocking the door. I entered and took a deep breath to be calm even if some seconds, but taking some deep breath can't make me calm. I need to release all the words I want to say, the words I want to scream or shout in front of his face.

I even want to smack him, to punch him or to kick him, making his face full of bruises. I'm infuriating in this moment that I can make this whole room a big mess. I went to the bathroom and wash my face just to ease the heat I'm feeling right now. After some minutes, finally I'm all calmed. I went out and just sat in the bed, just looking at the clock.

Why it's always been like these? It's always been the same, nothing new. I'm not tired about anything, it's just it really makes me sick every time. It's always ended horrible, miserable or even worse than that I could ever imagine. Why is everything so fucked up? Was these even a life that was more on sadness, negativity, grieves than happiness?

I'm happy for everything that happened to me, my career, our career and my personal life. But once your personal life gets affected, everything that you have will be affected. Right now, it's whole week I can't focus on some works and rehearsals because of him. I don't want to say that he is a big distraction, because he is my inspiration. But these week, no. He's making our relationship worse.

It's been a week also about our friends, Eleanor and Sophia. We kept calling them but still no answer. We don't want to report in police, because it will make the situation worse. And if it happens, maybe they will not comeback anymore. We're not pushing them to answer our calls, but we just want to say that we're giving them their time to think.

My thoughts just broke once there was a loud bang on a door, which simply means that he's here. Again. I hesitate to stand up and open it first, but when he continues to pound the door, we will disturbed the other guests and we might get kicked out in wrong and no time. I wiped my tears and sighed, making my way to the door.

I opened and see him. Zayn. Wasted. Drunk. He smells alcohol and smoke. Once again, I became hot blooded, my anger a while ago came back and it was worse now seeing him again like that. I stepped aside to make a way for him to enter. He looked at me, kissing me in my cheek then went straight to the bed.

When he dragged himself in the bed, I just stand there still and just staring at him. Some minutes passed, maybe he realized that I'm not laying beside him so he sat up and patted the bed for me to go there, but I shook my head.

"P, come here..." He simply said but I shook my head again.

"Is there a problem?" He asked and raised his eyebrow.

I just saw his full face, his hair was a messed, his eyes that was filled with bags and it swells, this is not the Zayn I want to see every night. But these week that I continuously see him like that, I might get used to it.