Let it hurt Let it bleed

Chapter 58 (TW)

Violence and self harm 

Then my dad stormed in my dad. "Oh hey dad I knew you would come here." I said casually wiping my tears like they were nothing. "Are you gonna say anything? Or can you just kill me now?" I asked him. "Sierr-" I interrupted him. "What you want to remind me of being raped again?" I asked "Why are you being so mean to your sister?" He asked me "Oh of course I'm the mean one, blame me as if I don't have any other problems. Are you gonna be like Summer? Are you gonna tell me to grow up and stop being jealous? I think I had to grow up even quicker than them I was raped at 15. You expect me to be childish after that. Anyways you can't take away anything else from me because nothing inside my room is important. You all took it away from me. I wouldn't even be surprised if you kill me right now. Go ahead pity me, as if you would do that. You love everyone in this house except for me. What did I do wrong dad? Wh- what did I do wrong?" I sobbed and fell on my bed "Sierra your sister is downstairs crying her little eyes out our precious summer has fallen into winter and you're to blame you don't know how upset she is right now she has loved that dress since she tried it on and you have been no help little missy so now I want to you go apologise to her right now" he shouted at me did he not see me sobbing right in front of his eyes was he that blind "no dad I'm not apologising to summer" I said quietly "SIERRA YOU GET DOWNSTAIRS RIGHT NOW AND SAY SORRY TO YOUR SISTER" he screamed in my ear "I said I'm not doing it" I shouted back at him standing up.

Suddenly, I felt something across my cheek then something hit my gut which made me fall to the floor he never raised a hand to me before that was unthinkable but he just hit me and punched me in the gut I felt another pain hit my stomach and saw his food move away he just kicked me he he hates me "are you going to say sorry now" he said gritting his teeth This guy was really trying to get me killed. I stood up and started going downstairs and went to find my sister. "Hey Summer, I'm sorry for being a bitch." I said "It's okay." She said so I went back to my room. I heard more knocks on my door. "What do you want from me now dad?" I asked "Sierra it's your mom." She said "come in mom." I said and wiped tears from my face. "Are you okay?" She asked and I shook my head. "I heard what you said to your father. Is that really how you feel?" She asked and I nodded my head "oh my baby-" my dad interrupted by slamming my door open. "She doesn't need a pity party, Summer is more important." He said. Did my dad really just say that? "Sierra isn't the one downstairs sobbing her eyes out she needs you honey" he said coming towards my mom "I'll be down in five minutes" my mom told him "and you I have never been more disappointed in anyone so much before in my life your a disgrace to me and your sisters it wasn't that difficult to apologise it's her wedding dress not yours she's more important than you oh poor Allegra let me go see if she's ok all the shouting you did must have frightened her" he said as he slammed the door shut "mmm mm momm h he he he he hit me then punched me and kicked me in the stomach and he he doesn't love me no one does I am a disappointment" I sobbed into her arms I took a deep breath. "I'm okay now mom, you can go care for your other children now." I said with a smile. "Okay you are very strong Sierra, if dad is not there for you I am." She said and went out the door.

I've been thinking of doing this for months now. I guess this is the right time to do it. They're too busy taking care of the important children they won't notice me. I thought then went to the restroom with a cutter in my hand. "No one loves me one strike"with the blade across my arm the blood trickled out "two I'm a disappointment" strike two more leaked out of my arm "three I can't see ramin" strike three this one hurt the most I almost screamed almost "I was raped" strike four It still hurt but not as much "I'm the least important child" strike five I dragged this one out ripping the seams of my flesh open one by one the red jewels poring out of my arm I put the healing weapon down and wiped it with a towel I felt a bit better than I did before I reached for the mouthwash and poured it on a cloth then dabbed the cloth into my arms I deserved all the pain I created it burned me like and red hot iron brand to the skin but the cuts would heal faster this way I put a rag in my mouth to prevent me from screaming and I was done the weapon of tranquility went back in the box and I threw on a jumper like nothing had happened it just looked like I stopped crying.