Let it hurt Let it bleed

Chapter 60

I woke up in my room with my mom at my bedside "mom?" I questioned "oh Sierra" she said pulling me into a massive hug why wasn't she mad at me she just held onto me like ramin did when we were still able to see each other I looked at my arm and the bleeding stopped I was wrapped up in a bandage "mom why am I still here?" I asked "because I need you and ramin needs you and you are so special you don't even realise it" she said letting me sit up I sighed and my door burst open "SIERRA HOW DARE YOU BE SO SELFISH HOW DARE YOU BE SO DISRESPECTFUL HOW DARE YOU ONE OF YOUR SISTERS IS ABOUT TO GET MARRIED AND YOU THOUGHT YOU'D DIE BEFORE THAT SO ALL THE ATTENTION WOULD GO TO YOU HA THAT'S DISGUSTING" he shouted at me I started crying looking down as he left my room "mom will I ever see ramin again?" I sobbed

And she shook her head. "I thought I wasn't even invited to Summer's wedding because they both hate me." I said. "No honey they don't hate you." She said. "They've been treating me like trash and they keep on telling me I'm not enough and I'm useless." I cried "aaa and they keep saying I'm seeking attention even though I don't even get attention. It's just so annoying that they accuse me for something I didn't even do. I don't want to live anymore because nobody would care. If I die it would be normal for them because they never even cared for me." I said "I try to act strong in front of them but they just keep getting in my head it's very annoying." I added. "I really want to move out but they would come up with another excuse so that I'll end up staying. I just really want to d-" my mom interrupted me. "Don't say that Sierra." She cried "Don't say that Sierra because you have so much to live for you have so much to experience don't say that Sierra please" she said trying to keep strong "mom I hate it here I can't see my boyfriend of almost a year I'm housebound no one cares for me apart from you and ramin I just I I dddd don't know what to do anymore" I sobbed "keep writing to ramin he loves you every time I deliver a letter he asks how long it will be until he can see you again he asked if your well he cares about you so much Sierra" she said grabbing my hand just like he would "just try try not to do that even if it's less cuts that's enough just try for me darling please" she said and I nodded "I'll try""He will get tired of writing soon Mom, he'll realize that it's useless to wait for me because I can never see him again. He will find someone else who is less problematic because that's what he deserves. I don't deserve anyone mom." I cried. "He will never get tired of writing Sierra, it's almost been a month and he still writes to you every single day." She said. "But he'll get tired of me mom, I know he will. He will also realize that I'm worthless and not enough for him." I cried. "I bet his letter will really cheer you up huh." She said with a smile and I nodded my head. "Dad just left so he'll be here sooner or later." She said and gave me a hug. "Thank you mom." I said "I better go check on the 'important children'" she said mocking my dad which made me laugh. "I missed your smile and laugh." She said then went out the door.

I opened the letter and started to read ' to my baby I miss you more than all the words in the English language every time your mom comes with your letter I ask how you are and if your okay what you ate for dinner how your hair was styled everything but she can only stay for so long I love you sie I love you I love you I love you so much your so beautiful I know this although I haven't seen you in a month I know you grow more and more beautiful each and every day and my love grows stronger and stronger for you each day I can't wait to hold you again and smell your hair and stroke your cheek and give you little Eskimo kisses I love you baby and miss you more than Romeo did Juliet I love you sie love ramin with all my heart' it was such a beautiful letter I welled up he still loved me he still cared he wasn't sick of writing to me he he actually loved me I read that for a few times before I could even start writing his letter. 'Hi Ram, I miss you soo much. My life has been getting worse every single day. My sisters have been ignoring me and my dad is still the same. I thought you'd grow tired of waiting and writing me letters every single day. I'm doing okay I guess. I just really miss you. I love you so much words can't explain it.- love Sierra I know it was shorter than his but he just had a way with words then a thought sprung to mind I put on my red lipstick blotted then kissed the paper and sprayed it with my perfume I put it in the folder and gave it to mom who drove to his house and delivered it she returned and I felt forever grateful I missed him so much this wasn't like last time I didn't even get to see him in school and he couldn't sneak into my room I'd literally gone a month without seeing him the thought made me sad so I tried to imagine the joy on his face when he got my letter and saw the kiss mark I'd left on it for him Just imagining him smile made my heart flutter. I missed him so much. I hope he was doing good unlike me. I don't want him to figure out what I have been doing to myself. I'm still trying to stop myself from doing it.