Let it hurt Let it bleed

Chapter 63

I had too many thoughts in my head all at once and fell back asleep apparently it was now Saturday which means tomorrow I might be able to see him I was as quiet as a mouse trying not to disturb the family breakfast keeping myself far away whilst getting an apple and taking it up to my room and eating it throwing the core in the bin how I wanted to see my ramin the day was so close yet so far I loved him so much and we were still so close yet so far Tomorrow if I don't see him it will be ten weeks without him it will be ten weeks anyways but you know.

 I stared out my window for quite some time until I got called down by my mom that was the only way to get me down stairs "Yes mom?" I asked. "Sierra, dear, can we talk in your room." She asked "Of course mom." I replied then we both went to my room. "I talked to your dad to ask if you will ever see Ramin again." She started. "So what did he say?" I asked. "He said you can if he notices that you changed." My mom said "In his definition of change that means I follow everything he says without talking back, not talking to you or my sisters. How am I gonna send the letters then?" I asked. "We will do the usual, I will give you the letter through a folder. We will say that you are studying in advance and I have to send it to your school." She explained. "So basically, no crying or talking to you. I will just give the folder without saying anything?" I asked. "If that's what's in dad's definition of changing then yeah." She said. "Okay mom, thank you for helping me." I said "No problem Honey." She said then went out of my room.

 After a while I got a letter from Ramin slipped under my door. I went to my door and picked it up and carried it to my desk I opened the corners took the letter out and started to read 'sie I know today is going to be difficult by not talking to your mom and not crying but you can do this sie I believe in you I can't wait to see you again Tomorrow over missed you like hell baby I'm so in love with you Sierra it's insane I think about you all the time I've been working out again it's given me some motivation I love you baby and I'll see you tomorrow love ramin' awwww that was so sweet my heart was aching for him and I could cry right now but I wasn't going to I put the letter in the box with all the others and started to write my reply 'Hey Ramin, this may sound very sad but I don't think we can see each other tomorrow... I don't want to make things worse. If I see you tomorrow then my dad or sisters catch you. I'm sure that he would send me off to a different continent. I'm sorry baby, we still have letters though. I will put all of my heart and soul into tomorrow's message. I just feel so bad for telling you that. I just want to see you and it will come. I just need to prove myself to my dad that I am mature. I'm sorry again, I love you so much and I will see you soon when the right time comes. Love Sierra'

I don't know if I could take the courage not to see him. I miss him so much. I really want to see him already. So I don't wanna make it worse by secretly seeing him. If anyone catches me, my dad would really send me to a different continent and not act guilty.

but didn't my mom ask my dad never mind he'd hate me for doing this he'd hate me so so much "Sierra" I heard my dads voice bellow so I immediately went downstairs to see what he wanted "yes sir" if everything else in my life wasn't falling apart already he no longer acknowledged me as one of his Own meaning I had to call him sir instead of dad he had a glint of evil in his eyes what was he gonna make me do "Umm what do you want sir?" I asked him "I'm sure you heard what your mother has said about seeing Ramin." He said and I nodded my head. "Did she mention the rules?" He asked and I nodded my head. "Then what are the rules?" He asked "Do what you sir tells me to do, don't seek attention and don't annoy Summer and Allegra." I said. "Good, so the first thing I want you to do is go help Summer and Allegra." He said then I waited for further instructions so I just stood there. "Just just go to Summer's room." He said so I walked to her room and knocked on her door. "Well hello Sierra we've been expecting you." Summer said whilst opening the door. We their was only her in the room. I looked around confused at the we looking for another person but by we she meant the wedding dress. I let out a quick sigh "what did you want me for summer?" I asked her she was at a mirror brushing her hair "I smashed a vase I just want to to clean it up for me" she said which I did and put the broken pieces into the bin I swept the roses off the floor and put them on the table for her "that all Allegra wants you now" she said and smiled as I walked to Allegra's room I slowly walked to her door and knocked on it. "Sierra thank god you're here!" She said her difference from Summer is that she acts the same except for when my dad is there.

 "Hey Allegra what do you need?" I asked her with a smile. "Remember the guy I was talking about.." she started "Well yeah, of course.. Mark right? Honestly I don't remember his name" I said She nodded "yeah mark well he's going to ask dad for something tonight and I'm just really nervous" she said and that confused me well she just confused me when we were like this she was normal but when we were with him she was awful nasty mean all the things she shouldn't be she heard the food steps coming down the hall so he handed me a hairbrush as me dad opened the door "god Sierra not that hard your gonna rip all my hair out you stupid girl" she spat as he entered the room I kept brushing and he examined and I stopped "you could have been nicer about it" she said tearing up "but it's fine for now so get out" she spat so I got out of her room and waited further instructions Okay well first of all I wasn't even brushing her hair and she was already complaining. Enough of that I went to my room. "Sierra your schoolwork is here!" My mom shouted so I went down and got the folder from her. "Thanks mom." I said then went back to my room.

 I grabbed a book and the paper I was gonna write on along with the folder with the letter. I went to the corner of my bed and started reading his reply. 'Hey Sie, I understand what you mean. Don't worry I'm willing to wait for you. I know this will be hard for you to do but I believe in you. Gain your father's trust back. I'm sorry that this letter is quite short because all I want to say to you now is I love you, I miss you and you are strong. I know you can get through this. - R.'I had a day to get it back but that wasn't going to happen I couldn't even call him dad not that I wanted to after the way he's treated me but still I thought as I wrote my reply'Ram thank you so much for your patience I don't think my dad will trust me ever again it doesn't matter that the letters short I just want to be with you again in every way possible honey I was thinking of running but I couldn't do that to my mum I love you too ramin I love you what else can I say or do I've felt my feelings for you become stronger and stronger forget what I said I want to see you tomorrow but it's dangerous I know but it's been ten weeks without any physical contact or hearing your voice baby I love you - sie x' I applied the lipstick and kissed it and put it back into the folder if I obeyed him today that should be enough for at least half an hour with ramin i studied for a while then he called me again

I went down and went to the dining room. "Here's my schoolwork mom." I said and went to my dad aka sir in the living room. "Yes sir, you called for me?" I asked "Yes I did Sierra, so now I got your feedback from Summer and Allegra. Summer gave you good feedback but Allegra said she will give you a second chance. So can you please help her she's just in her room." He said. "Yes sir I will." I replied and went up to go to Allegra's room. I entered and she looked different I wasn't sure why dad might have talked to her when I left that always changed them "finally how long does it take I just need you to make my bed and put these roses in that vase" she definitely talked to dad her tone completely changed I took the roses and individually placed them in the vase then I fluffed up her pillows and straightened her sheets out placing her blanket on top folding it into a bunny just how she liked it " that's fine you can go now slut"

I went to defend myself but realised if I wanted to see ramin I'd let it go so I went back downstairs and Allegra texted him I waited for the feedback anxiously I just sat on the sofa with my thoughts everywhere. It wasn't really clear when I'd get to see Ramin. Like was I supposed to do it for a whole day or week or a month? I guess I'll ask that once he gets here. "Sierra, I'm back with the feedback." He said and I stood up. "You did good today." He said with a smile that I could tell was fake. "Umm sir I have a question." I said then he allowed me to sit down. "Sure." He replied. "Umm so how does this system work?" I asked him. "System? What do you mean?" He questioned. "Sir like am I supposed to get good feedback for a week or a day. Something like that." I said then waited for his reply.

"Well since you asked it's the day before and the day that counts you did good today so that's fifteen minutes with ramen so far" he spat his name and pronounced it all wrong "thank you sir" I said "am I free to go now" I asked "no first you have to sharpen the knives in the kitchen then wash dry and clear up for us after we've Eaten a family dinner then you must clean the living room" the list of jobs went on and on it didn't look like I'd be sleeping tonight I felt like a strange mix of Cinderella and cosset I hate it "polish the cutlery and then your done is that clear" he yelled and I nodded I better make a start now if I wanted sleep tonight He watched me as I polished it. Once I said I was done he checked on it. "You're done for the day, tomorrow I'll tell you when you get your 15 minutes with that guy." He said and I nodded my head. "Thank you sir, good night." I said "Good night Sierra." He said then I went up to my room. I took a shower and scrubbed all the sweat and dirt on my body. I dried my body then placed clean clothes on. As soon as my head touched the pillow I fell asleep.