SKZ - oneshots (completed)

Changsung

⌦ 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑠𝑢𝑛𝑔
⌦ 𝑡𝑤𝑠: 𝑠𝑢𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑑𝑒, 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑢𝑝
⌦ 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑠: 1339

***

On this cold autumn evening, a small, twenty one year old boy can be found on a rooftop of his apartment building. At the top of this twelve storey building, the wind is strong and messes the boy's black hair that's not been washed in a while. The strong and cold breeze sends goosebumps on the boy's pale skin and makes the boy shiver violently.

He's been here a while. His safe place where he comes to clear his head. It's autumn, October, but the boy has only a plain black hoodie that looks too oversized - covering the boy's small, skinny and bony upper body, reaching the boy's thin thighs.

The boy also has black, ripped jeans and black sneakers on. Very simple, but not very warm. But the boy couldn't care less.

The reason the boy has chosen this specific place to help him clear his thoughts and feelings and to calm him down, is simple. The boy has always admired and adored the sky: most specifically the starry sky. When the sky is pitch black at night, but millions of little dots are twinkling and blinking somewhere far up there, like trying to tell the lonely boy that he's not alone. When the suffocating feeling of loneliness gets too much, the boy climbs up here and finds calmness and peacefulness in the Moon and the stars.

The boy's name is Han Jisung and he's all alone. Jisung knows that there really is no one out there, looking for him at this time, almost in the middle of a night. And if someone knew, they wouldn't care.

Jisung's not always been alone. Physically at least, but mentally he's always feeling lonely, solitary, isolated, an outsider, and always just out of it all.

As Jisung leans on the railing, he looks at the scenery in front of him. The city is dark and seems gloomy. The city's lights, like street lights, traffic lights, headlights of cars and lights of different logos, are shining and glowing between the dark buildings, in different colors. Somewhere further he hears an ambulance, in some kind of an emergency. Would they be coming to me? At least, Jisung is not alone when remembering that not everyone is asleep right now; there are other people still very much awake. Jisung decides that he likes the nightlife of this city. But that thought doesn't ease the pain he feels right now and has been feeling for a while. Nothing does. Nothing can help him nor save him anymore.

The boy thought for a moment: what will be left of him, when he's gone? He would very much like to know, but in the end... he doesn't care. It doesn't matter. The second reason the boy had come to this specific rooftop is to do what everybody wants him to do.

He has been outside for a while now and he was really cold by now. He wanted to leave a note, a message, to everyone, but who wouldn't care anyway? Jisung didn't have anyone. No one would come to find him, no one would cry and no one would care anyway. Nobody was on their way and that thought alone made Jisung's eyes shed a few, tiny tears the wind quickly dried off of his cold cheeks.

Jisung inhaled shakily and exhaled. He climbed on the railing and sat down on it. He let his feet hang off as he sat above the city. These were really his last moments in this life. Jisung decided.

As Jisung closed his eyes and strated ro lean forward, his phone rang in his pocket. Great.

Jisung stopped in his movements and stayed still for a moment, thinking. Who would it be? At this time? Jisung wondered. He didn't know nor did he care. But in the end, he did care enough, because he ended up fishing his phone from his pocket and look at the screen. He had a feeling he should answer, or at least check who it was calling him at the moment. He had a feeling. He sensed something and his body moved like on autopilot; he wasn't aware of his body's actions until a familiar name appeared in front of him.

Changbin.

Jisung sighed. He didn't know why Changbin was calling him, but something made his body to move on its own and he pressed the green button and moved the phone next to his ear, shakily and slowly.

"H-hello?" the shaky boy stuttered. Probably because of the cold, but the boy wasn't sure. It could also be fear, sadness - anything.

"Jisung?" a voice asked from the other line, sounding desparate? panicked? Jisung couldn't believe his ears.

"Changbin?" he asked instead, confused.

"Jisung, where are you? Are you at home?" the familiar voice said that Jisung once loved to hear and listen to. Now it was just a memory, a painful one. He didn't want to remember those times. It would just break him, if he even could be more broken than he was already.

"Uhh... no... why?" Jisung didn't know what he should say. Should he lie and say that he's at home, since it was practically a night and any reasonable and rational human being should be asleep. Still, after all, it was Changbin Jisung was talking to and Jisung has never lied to Changbin. He just couldn't.

"Where are you then?" Changbin kept asking and Jisung didn't know why.

"W-why are you asking? It's not your b-business where I am or what I do anymore" Jisung spitted. He was starting to get frustrated and irritated. And after all, confused. After all these years of no one caring, no one questioning him, Changbin, his ex, the love of his life that wasn't meant to be, decided to call, out of nowhere.

"Jisung... please... I woke up and had a bad feeling and I just needed to call you and hear- make sure you're okay... so, please... I need to know..." Changbin's voice sounded like it was begging. Desperate.

"Well, I am okay, thank you. Can I please go now, I have stuff to do" Jisung said.

"No! Jisung, please, don't, I- where are you... I know you're lying, I can hear it" Changbin said.

"I'm sorry Changbin, but I- I need to go now... goodby-" Jisung got interrupted.

"If you're planning on doing something stupid like hurting yourself in any way, I won't hesitate to go there myself and I'm pretty sure you don't want to see my face, so, please... listen to me-"

"I'm sorry, Bin... I just can't do this anymore... it's my time to go now" Jisjng didn't want to hear anymore. Didn't want to listen to Changbin's soft but serious tone, begging Jisung not to cut the line.

"Sung... don't hang up, please"

"You hung up last time we talked in the phone and you never let me explain... Hyung, I love you and I'm sorry... this has to be done..."

"Goodbye" Jisung finally said and hung up.

The cold breeze hit his face as the tears fell from his eyes in rapid pace. The boy wiped them away angrily. He was angry, bitter and sad. And suddenly, he felt more lonely than ever before. And also, more ready than ever before.

He took another shaky breath in and closed his eyes. Tears fell still, but he couldn't care. It didn't matter. He was weak and broken... unable to be fixed, unable to be strong. And that's one of the reason he decided to do what he was going to do next; it will be better like this, everything will be fine and everyone will be happy again. Jisung wanted especially Changbin to be happy and fine again. Changbin didn't need him here. It will be better this way.

And then he leaned forward and soon he was falling. Maybe he doesn't have to be alone anymore. Maybe he doesn't have to be sad anymore. He was free.