SKZ - oneshots (completed)

Seunglix

⌦ 𝑆𝑒𝑢𝑛𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑥
⌦ 𝑡𝑤𝑠: 𝑟𝑒𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑒𝑑, 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 ℎ𝑎𝑡𝑟𝑒𝑑
⌦ 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑠: 634

***

"Felix, please, you need to eat, you've been eating well, what has happened?"

"Nothing, just a bad day is all"

"Please, Felix, maybe just some fruit? With no fat in it? Just- please"

"Just stop it, Seungmin, not today"

"But-"

"Can't you stop? I don't need you to act like my mom"

"I'm glad she died, no one would want to deal with a son like you, Felix"

There it was. The moment Seungmin has fucked up. He realizes it quickly but not quick enough. The damage is already done and nothing can change. He can't change anything anymore.

He watches as the other's presence becomes gloomy. His aura changing from stressed to plain dejected. Felix's eyes hold so much in them. Firstly, disbelief and shock, secondly anger and sadness, lastly bitterness. The tears gathering in his dark eyes, about to fall, the frowing and face dropping. Seungmin watches as the other's shoulders drop and the body stays still. Seungmin is an expert at reading Felix. Expert at reading anyone. He knows. He's fucked up.

Felix stares at the slightly younger. Seungmin stares back. The silence is loud, piercing. Seungmin's heart is beating, his body tense and brain wrecking itself with thoughts that are a chaos right now. He wants, no, he needs to say something. Anything. But his mouth is and stays shut.

Then, Felix is leaving. Out of sight. It takes a moment for Seungmin to get out of his trance but the next second he's following the other. He needs to fix this. As soon as possible. He swears.

"Felix, I'm sorry" he speaks. "Please, I- I don't know why I said that... it was a fucking shitty move, I know, I shouldn't have ever said something like that, it was stupid and immature of me to say something like that" he rambles but then a door of the other's room shuts right in front of his face. He stays in place.

"Felix... please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he says louder. All of a sudden he feels something wet sliding down his cheeks, down to his neck and it's a disgusting feeling. He wipes the tears away with force. He hates them. He hates this. He hates himself. He has no reason to cry right now. He can't cry right now. Such a shitty dormmate. Such a shitty friend.

"P-please-" Seungmin wants to keep talking, but his voice cracks. Wants to explain. Wants to apologise. But the words get stuck in his throat. He's a mess. How pitiful, pathetic.

He just wants to be supportive. Comfortable to be around. He wants be understanding, compassionate, tolerant – everything a good friend is. Or is supposed to be. He's always had a hard time showing that he cares. He really does. No wonder why people views him as cold, indifferent and intimidating. Maybe he isn't a good friend. Maybe he doesn't deserve friends. Not an asshole like him deserves anything, at least anything good. Not inconsiderate, insensitive, intolerant piece of shit... he thought he knew better.

Felix has been doing so well. He's been eating, taking care of himself. He's been happy, genuinely. Smiling laughing, being himself freely. And now it's all ruined. Now they were back at the start line. And it's all because of Seungmin. All his fault. Felix doesn't deserve this. Felix deserves a better friend.

Felix hasn't even been talking about his mom lately, which means, he has been getting better and forgetting the past. It's been good. He's been doing well. Until now.

Seungmin closes his eyes. Tears doesn't stop. He feels worse than ever. He doesn't feel like himself at all. All because he couldn't control himself, his aggression, his unstable mental state. God, he hates himself.