SKZ - oneshots (completed)

Felix

⌦ 𝐹𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑥
⌦ 𝑡𝑤𝑠: 𝑔𝑎𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠, 𝑔𝑢𝑛𝑠, 𝑘𝑛𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑠, 𝑐𝑎𝑟 𝑎𝑐𝑐𝑖𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠, 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑑 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ, 𝑏𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 (𝑖𝑡 𝑖𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑎𝑠 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑣𝑦 𝑎𝑠 𝑖𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑦 𝑠𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑)
⌦ 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑠: 1085

***

Felix sits on the couch of his own livingroom. Though he's tensed and uncomfortable and not at peace at all. He knew this was a bad idea in the very first place. He knew it but he gave in still. He really needs to learn to defend himself more. To defend his own feelings. This isn't fair. He knows it. But he can't help but give in. Every time.

One thing he doesn't know is that when did this happened. It just came along and one day, he couldn't get rid of it. He's tried but the threats he's thrown with aren't doing any good to his nightmares. And he's always been a people pleaser who can't say no.

They kow this is cruel and unfair. They're playing with him. They're playing with anyone and everyone. And they win and get their will through everytime. What they want, they get. And Felix has been one of the victims. One of the easiest victims. An easy target. And he hates hinself for it. How his heart is delicate and fragile, giving its last bits of trust to anyone and not getting anything back but shit. How he's too wide eyed and naive and so pathetic. How he's always falling into the others' traps and losing hinself for others. Becoming a person he doesn't know himself. There's nothing he can do.

These people are cruel and unfair. And these same people are hanging out in his livingroom right now. Felix lives alone so his apartment is perfect for their little gang to hang out at. To rave and revel, like feral animals. To bring out their handguns they've stolen and show off with the brand new pocketknifes. Felix tries not to imagine what they're possibly going to do with them later, maybe even tonight. He doesn't want to a part of it. But he doesn't have a choice. He never does.

He knows this isn't going to end well but who is he to say this to them. He's a loser. Someone who they play with and use for their own good. And if they get caught, Felix will be the guilty one for sure. And that'll be the end of him, but not them.

The place is full of empty and half empty bottles and cans, littered around on the floor and on the coffeetable. Some of the guys are already pretty drunk even though it isn't even late yet. The evening has just begun, Felix thinks. He fears.

He sits still and sips his beer. It's dusgusting. As soon as the liquid touches his tounge and the bad taste hits his taste buds, he wants to gag and spit it out. He isn't a toughie. He can't even drink beer. He doesn't even know why they had chosen him. But oh well, of course, it's because he's as small and weak as a mouse. Easy to control. He's like a marionette. And he hates it. He hates himself for it.

He isn't participating their conversations but the current one makes him more awake. He listens carefully.

"I can't understand how one can crash the car like that! It was a straight as hell road and there were no other passer bys. And the weather was clear as well, it was in the middle of the day light!" one explains, slurring a bit.

"They must've been total losers" the other guys says, a bit more clearly.

"Maybe they deserved to die, this society is far better without idiots like that" the third one speaks and takes a long sip of some transparent liquid.

Felix feels his heart beating and he feels hinself starting to sweat. He feels himself getting fidgety and anxious. His mind starts to wander and into the places he doesn't like. He already struggles with the nightmares at nights. Why give those thoughts control right now?

It's been years since that day. He doesn't remember everything but he remembers enough. He thought he would've been over it a long time ago. But those images won't leave him. They never will. They're going to haunt him forever and he'll going to take them to his grave as well. And nothing helps the guilty feeling he still has. It's the worst.

"But wasn't Felix also in a car accident? The one similar to this case... right?"

Now they're all looking at him and Felix wants to run and hide away. He wants to disappear.

He fixes his throat and composes himself.

"Uhm, yeah, I was, but it was very long ago, I don't really remember anything about it" he says as casually as he can and looks away. He hates pretending strong and unaffected.

"I remember it being on news. It was so huge" one guys says and laughs before he takes a sip of his beer.

"And here is Felix, the only one who survived" the other guy says and Felix feels as uncomfortable as ever.

"How does it feel to be the only one alive still? Do you feel proud? Like a God?" another guy says and they all laugh in unison. It's that mean and hurtful laughter and Felix hates it.

"How does it feel to visit your friends' graves? Huh?"

"Must've been so traumatic, you must cry yourself to sleep every night"

"Do you still cry to your mommy about it? Like a little, innocent kid you are?"

"Do you blame yourself? Because I think you should"

"Yeah, it's kind of strange only one survived and nearly unharmed"

They keep mocking and shooting those mean and nasty statements at him. They keep laughing. And Felix can't take it anymore.

Who are they to know about anything? Who are they to say what's wrong and what's right? Who are they to moralize? Who are they to- They weren't there.

Felix stands up and puts his beer away. He isn't going to finish it. He looks at the other guys. He wants to say something. He wants to tell them the truth of how he really feels. But he knows it'd be pointless. They don't care about him. They don't care about his feelings. So he takes a final, neutral glance at them and walks out the door, slamming it behind him. He doesn't care if he just left a whole ass gang in his apartment. He just wants out of there.