SKZ - oneshots (completed)

Jisung

⌦ 𝐽𝑖𝑠𝑢𝑛𝑔
⌦ 𝑡𝑤𝑠: 𝑠𝑜𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑎𝑛𝑥𝑖𝑒𝑡𝑦
⌦ 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑑𝑠: 400

***

I know this is stupid. I'm out of my mind.

I haven't left this apartment for so long, it feels like years have passed. I don't know the concept of time. Not anymore. Days pass by, nights pass by. Nothing changes.

I've been in bed for most of the time. I'm drained. Not only physically, but more like emotionally and socially as well. Just thinking of going outside, meeting people, gets me want to bury myself even deeper under the covers.

My therapist says being weak is one of my weaknesses. I'm a prisoner of my strengths. I should let go, be a vulnerable and void human being. Weak and small. I should let go, face my fears, meet new people, expose myself. I shouldn't always try and be better, pretend to be someone I'm not or something I can never be.

At least my friends care. They've brought me meds and food, left the paper bags on my door. It feels nice to know someone cares.

Because I don't really care anymore.

They've called and texted as well. I've just let the phone rang and only read the messages, never answering anyone. I don't think I could. I don't know what to tell them. What to say.

I'm so drained.

I'm so drained.

I'm left behind. In everything. In life. My friends have sent me pictures of notes and told me to ask for help with my school work if I need it. I laugh. Of course, I need help. I'm the most helpless little creature that's ever existed in the universe.

I don't care about school though. It just means social interaction, talking to people, people, people, people and more people. It makes me sick. It makes me anxious.

Even being with myself is draining sometimes.

I'm drained.

I miss going to the gym. I miss hanging out with my friends. I miss going out to eat, having movie marathons, studying, working, doing anything. However, I know I physically can't. I can't. Not emotionally, not socially.

And I don't think I could even act like I could.

Because pretending is even more draining.

I want to feel okay again. I want to feel like a functioning human being again.

I don't want to hide like this. I don't want to be the sufferer of my own mind. Of myself.

I'm so drained.