quote sources: me, Venture bros, not always right, vine, texts from last night, home movies, b99, iasip
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[Y/n calls Emmet's S/o asking where the twins are, because there was a double battle scheduled right now, Emmet's S/o tells her that they're... occupied. Y/n asks them to elaborate? and S/o points their phone at Ingo and Emmet who are loudly arguing in the background]
Ingo: Come on! They have one female servicing a large group of males. That implies a species that lays eggs!
Emmet: Oh Arc's sake, you're crazy! They're so obviously mammals!
Ingo: Please! She'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs!
Emmet: Smurfs don't lay eggs! I won't tell you this again! Papa Smurf has a f*cking beard! They're mammals!
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[one morning Emmet and Ingo are giving each other these WTF looks as they read the T-shirts their S/O's got for them.]
{Ingo's shirt: D.I.L.F! - DAMN I LOVE FITNESS! ]
Emmet: Y'know DILF means-
Ingo: I know what it means.
[Emmet's shirt: PIZZA SLUT🍕]
Ingo: Do I even want to know?
Emmet: You love fitness? Well, I love fitin' dis pizza in my mouth!
[Emmet's phone BA-boom tisss..}
Emmet: oh, Elesa texted me... I'm so proud? 💯 pun!! (pause) How did she know I said that?
[the twins start looking around their kitchen nervously.]
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Elesa [doing Yoga with the Twins]: Release all of the negative sounds that are trapped inside your mind...
Ingo: [Starts screaming] AHHHRRHrRRHRRR!
[Cut to Elesa and Emmet at the hospital being treated for perforated eardrums]
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[Y/n is six months pregnant and is taking a late night walk without her Pokémon or husband, a few minutes in she hears someone following her. She starts walking faster and the person speeds up, then they grab Y/n 's shoulder, she screams and punches the person in the face! Only to find Ingo sprawled out on the ground holding his bleeding nose.]
Y/n: Ingo?! You nearly gave me a heart attack! What were you doing?!
Ingo: I thought it was dumb choice to let my pregnant wife go out by herself. Now I see it was dumb to go along.
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[ One day, the phone rings, and S/o hears Emmet answer it and hears the oddest exchange ever.]
Emmet: Running? No... it's just sitting there watching me. Plotting! Waiting for me to let my guard fall. I think it hates me. I know it's coming for me. Oh, no... It heard me. It knows I know! It's coming! NO! NO! AAARRRRRRRRRRGH! AAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHH! *he crushes a chip bag into the receiver*
YOU ARE READING
Pokémon Subway Bosses x reader oneshots
FanfictionA series of random oneshots starring the subway bosses Ingo and Emmet and Y/n! [Also cross posted on my Tumblr and A03 accounts!]
