Pokémon Subway Bosses x reader oneshots

Incorrect Quote dump 16

Quote sources: A million ways to die in the west, venture bros, buzzfeed unsolved, me, Brooklyn 99, archer, Twitter, dead like me, corner gas, not always right, the simpsons.

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Featured aus and oc:

subway boss 'Alto' from wayward spiral au

Carol Trevithick

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TW: death, dark humor, drugs, swearing and mature themes ahead!

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At the Wallflower where Ingo has snapped he is ranting and raving at Y/n and Lucas about how awful it is living to be in 1868 and how everything and everyone is out to kill them!]

Ingo: By the way, look at this. See those guys over there? The guys who work in the silver mines? See what they're eating? Ribs doused in hot sauce! They eat hot, spicy foods every meal of the day. Do you know why? Because their palates are so completely fucking dulled from inhaling poison gas 12 hours a day down in the mines. That's all they can taste. You know what that kind of diet does to your guts? Constipation, cramps, dyspepsia, liver disease, kidney disease, hemorrhoids, bowel inflammation. They literally die from their own farts.

[One of the miners gets up from the table, farts loudly, and then collapses dead on the floor]

Ingo : And, oh, oh, you wanna see more death? All we gotta do is get up and walk out the front door.

[Ingo leads Lucas and Y/n outside the wallflower. Out in an alley, there is a dead body lying on the ground]

Ingo : That is Jubilife's mayor. I didn't know Jubilife even had a Mayor, but apparently it did! He is dead. He has been lying there, dead, for three days. No one has done a thing. Not moved him, not looked into his death, not even replaced him with a temporary appointee. For the last three days, the highest-ranking official- Outside of Kamado, in this town has been a dead guy. Oh! Look at that! Look at that!

[as Ingo has been talking...]

Ingo : And now Luxrays are dragging the body away as if to illustrate my point! Bye! Bye, Mr. Mayor! Have fun becoming Pokémon shit! Bye! Arc'sake!

[Ingo, Lucas and Y/n return inside in the Wallflower to their table]

Ingo : That, my friends, is the Hisui frontier. A disgusting, awful, dirty cesspool of despair and fuck all of it. I wanna go home!

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A few weeks after Ingo is returned to his time, Elesa is confused when she comes to visit the twins, and sees Emmet watching TV, wearing "The stupid helmet."

(The stupid helmet is a Sandgem Croagunk's football team helmet, that an estranged relative of the twins had bought for them; knowing full well that Ingo and Emmet hated that team! The twins now use it as a means of punishment for whenever one of them says or does something very very stupid, they have to wear it all day and everywhere they go, even at work.)

Elesa: Why's Emmet wearing the stupid helmet? Did he try give one of his Joltiks a kiss again? *sniff the air to see she smells burnt hair.*

Ingo: No, we were in the grocery store and he kept being annoying, When I told Emmet to stop, he looks at me and says. "Dad, it's me Bryan, your son, remember? You're ok now. It's time for your medicine..." I swear to arc, Elesa, I nearly punched him out in the check-out line!