Band Oneshots

It's ok if your not ok (Steven Adler x Duff)

This has mentions of self-harm so please don't read it if it will trigger you. This was hard for me to write as I've struggled with this topic myself so, please don't read it if it will affect you.

The Happy-go-lucky, hyperactive, childlike, hellraising drummer. Always ready to fuck shit up and get into loads of trouble. Best friend to Duff, childhood friend to Slash, and primary nuisance to Izzy and Axl.

That's Steven Adler. The sweet idiot of Gun 'N' Roses, that everyone loves. At least, that's what he wants everyone to think. He wants to smile all the time and be happy, he wants to be the childlike fun human being people believe him to be, really, he does.

He wants to laugh with Duff as they do something dumb like hide all Izzy's guitar picks, he wants to smile with Slash when they talk about there past fun of high school or when they succeed in pissing the redhead off.

He wants to laugh and have fun as he tears through one of his favourite drum solo for thousands of fans. He wants to bury himself in men and women alike, losing himself in the hot, wet pleasure of sex. But, sex, drugs, rock n' roll has been the last thing on his mind.

He tries to keep his grip on the edge of the cold, marble, bathroom sink in an effort to combat the harsh sting he feels in his forearms. Stupid, useless, annoying asshole. That's all he is. Just a plain old useless annoying stupid human.

"Stevie baby....are you okay? You've been in there for some time now sweetcakes..." Duff's voice reverberates off the closed door, concern clear in its tone. Duff has been worried about him more than normal lately and Steven could tell. Steven doesn't want Duff to know that something is wrong, but it's clear he does. He knows the ins and outs of Steven like a brother. Well, more like husband.

Duff's is a fucking wonderful one too. Of course, he wants to make sure Steven is okay he always does, Duff puts Steven needs above his own most of the time.

Steven freezes, heart leaping into his throat. What would Duff say to this? How will he react knowing his lover is so weak and pathetic? Someone like Duff, who's been to hell and back, still going strong, even after having his pancreas bust on him and Steven can't even handle a bit of low self-esteem? Pathetic. "Stevie? Are you okay? C'mon, I know you're in there baby." Duff can be heard stepping closer to the door.

Blood continues to soak the sink and the blondes t-shirt in small trickles. There's no way he'd be able to wash out the stains on his t-shirt and the sink and not draw suspicion. He'd have to stay in the bathroom way too long. There's no avoiding it. It's over. Duff is finally, after Twenty-five years of love, hidden and public, about to discover how much of a pathetic loser the man he married really is. The lie he fell in love with.

He could say he was fine but...lying to Duff somehow feels even worse than facing his demons and the pain. He could never do that to his Duffy. He swallows the lump in his throat, but the tears won't go away they just fall down his face like a waterfall. His voice is shaking terribly as he sobs out in a small voice," D-Duff-" The tears kept flowing cutting him off.

Duff lets out a little gasp, "Oh Sweetie, why are you crying? Are you sick? Did something happen? Are you ok?" He places a hand on the door, "Can...Can I come in?"

Steven whimpers through his sobs, "J-Just...(hic)...promise me you won't yell at me before you break up with me p...please?"

At this, Duff immediately opens the door, "Steven, what the ever living hell are you talking-" He freezes,his eyes widened as they focus on Steven bleeding wrists. He takes off his sunglasses, startled irises meeting Steven's weeping blue ones. "Oh...Oh, Stevie..." "I'm so s..sorry!" Steven sobs, bracing himself for the reprimanding that's certain to come.

But it never came. Instead, Duff cups his face and gently presses their foreheads together, caressing his face with his thumb, "Shh...shh...I will never and I mean never ever leave you, Stevie, okay? Never would I even think of that. I've been in a place like this before. I know, I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I have experience in self-hate."

"I know it's very hard to be open about it and tell people or let them in, but there's no need to be ashamed of yourself Stevie never ever feel like you have to hide or feel ashamed ok you're so strong, my sweet angel."

He places one hand on Steven's boney shoulder, the other remaining on his cheek, allowing the drummer to cry into his palm, "Shhh...shhh...I want to help you...you are not broken or weak...you are not stupid..." "B-But I-I d-don't know what to do! I-I feel so fuckin' alone, Duff!" Steven wails like a child into the bassist's hand.

His emotions are so tangled right now, unsure wherever to be joyful or sorrowful. It's so hard to even smile nowadays, but he thanks his lucky fucking stars or his lucky drum sticks that he has Duff.

His lover takes his hands, "Listen, Stevie. You'll get through this ok, we'll get through this together yeah, I'll be here every step of the way Sweetie. It'll take time to smile again, but I'm here for you. I'll support you in anything, especially in your health and happiness. If I didn't, I don't think we would've last Twenty-five years..." 

"But...what if it doesn't get better?"

"You'll never know if you never try...,"Duff says in that soothing voice of his, making Steven melt just a little. The sparkle in his eyes is too genuine, full of understanding. He hadn't asked Steven to smile for him, or told him to just be happy and to get over it, he accepted Steven's feelings for what they were in that moment. It makes him feel safe and loved, despite the darkness in his mind.

Duff stops talking then, setting to work on tenderly disinfecting and bandaging Steven's bloodied arms, soothing him with gentle kisses with the chemicals sting.

When the dressings are done, the bassist holds his sweet drummer, rubbing his back, "You're already doing so well by letting me help you right now, Stevie. Your so brave, so strong, baby. I'm so proud of you angel, I believe you'll pull through with a little help." Steven can't help but smile. It's only a little quirk of the mouth, not his usual shit eating grin, but...baby steps right.

"Will you let me help you, baby?" Steven nods, pressing his face into Duff's chest, "Yeah....I guess I could use with a little help.... Thanks Duffy" Duff smiles and kisses the top of his head, "Let's go and make a few phone calls, then we can cuddle on the sofa or bed and watch cartoons yeah?"

"Yeah, I'd like that Duffy."